In this economy, we could all use the extra dough since we blew ours on scratch cards and Big Gulps. The art of the side hustle takes on many forms but we’ve narrowed it down to three ways to forge your own path while rolling in the cash. 

1) Ordained Minister

When we were 17, we became a “Doctor of Divinity” through the Universal Life Church by paying them $50 via money order. Not only did this technically allow us to put “doctor” in front of our names so that we could sign our own doctor’s notes, allowing us to skip class and sell weed behind Arapahoe Community College, it also made us an ordained reverend, allowing us to officiate weddings and hold babies underwater under the guise of what Christians call “baptisms.” Had we been thinking, we could’ve made a killing officiating weddings this whole time.

2) Sports Gambling (Specifically Russian Table Tennis)

Now that Colorado lets you gamble from your phone, it’s never been easier to piss away your disposable income on four-way parlays that have no chance in hell of happening. Hockey season is great, but in our experience, the real money is in Russian ping pong. The allure of this sport is that matches last about as long as we do on date night, which means you can throw money down and win (or lose) all in the span of a few minutes.

3) Uber for Babies

For a long time, we’ve recognized that working class families don’t always have the time to transport their offspring to places like daycare and playdates. We propose you start a company that is essentially Uber for babies (Babuber?), where you could pay a person of unknown age, gender and origin to drive your child around for you. We think this idea has a lot of validity to it, but you can have it for free. Hell, if we weren’t so damn busy we’d pitch it on Shark Tank ourselves.