“We will all meet up at the Area 51 Alien Center tourist attraction and coordinate our entry. If we naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets. Lets see them aliens.”

Who’s in?

I’ve already committed myself, on the Facebook page, along with some 1.5 million others, to taking action, to standing up and making moves on the Federal government’s greatest cosmic secret: Area 51. Storm the base, flood the tunnels and bunkers and hangers which house the strange otherworldly truths that the Feds are so bent on keeping hidden from us.

Why not? It’s our tax dollars paying for all that secret extraterrestrial research, anyway. It belongs to The People, even if the government wants to keep it from us.

That’s the idea at least. That’s why so many crazy bastards have signed on to this insane crusade to Naruto run straight through the front gates of this isolated desert headquarters, dodging bullets and ignoring all orders of “cease and desist.” They want to see what’s inside this dark secret, they want to get their eyes and hands on whatever extraterrestrial artifacts might be hidden in there. They want to see them goddamned aliens!

But, chances are, they won’t. Even if they were to successfully “Storm Area 51” there likely wouldn’t be anything inside. It’s probably safe to assume that the government has caught wind of this by now, and likely relocated any- and everything that was ever there.

And, in fact, they probably did that a long time ago, back in the 80’s when Bob Lazar first came out and busted the Area 51 secret doors wide open. After that, the government bought up thousands of miles of empty desert surrounding the actual Area 51 base, as it was attracting so many tourists. They created a buffer zone to keep out all the UFO-nut jobs that wanted to catch a glimpse of the infamous flight tests that base is so famous for operating.
 

In the decades since, Area 51 has become so popularized by film, television and literature that it’s hard to imagine them keeping anything seriously strange there anymore. More likely than not, there’s an Area 52 out there somewhere; a new, bigger, better, more secret alien base, where federal scientists can do their otherworldly research in peace, without being pestered by so many silly civilians who just want to catch a glimpse of a flying saucer or a little green man.

So, while the goal is a noble one, it is also probably futile. Especially considering the US Air Force's ominous warning to the thousands of people who've signed on:

"The US Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets," said a US Air Force spokeswoman of the event. They are aware of the movement and they will be ready for the storm.  

Nevertheless, I plan on being there on September 20th, if for nothing else than to watch 1.5 million people sprint like anime ninjas through a wall of lead. And who knows? Maybe, just maybe I’m wrong about all this, and they’ll get inside Area 51 and find everything and all the answers they’re looking for.  

We can only hope.