The US Navy has seen a significant uptick in the use and distribution of LSD lately. Sailors are ordering acid off of the dark web, and smuggling it aboard US military aircraft carriers and battleships — and the higher-ups are starting to catch on.

You might not single LSD out as the drug of choice for sailors and seamen, but it’s only natural. The Navy stopped testing for LSD in their regular drug tests, long ago. Opening wide the doors of opportunity (and perception) for American Navy personnel everywhere.

Despite having made these purchases through supposedly anonymous routes, using anonymous currencies like Bitcoin, the US Naval Criminal Investigative Services (NCIS) has caught wind of their scheme. And now they’re incentivizing sailors to rat on each other.

“Recent law enforcement reporting has revealed that an increasing number of people are moving to purchasing illicit substances via the dark web because of the perceived anonymity provided by tools like The Onion Router (TOR),” NCIS wrote in a recent memo. “They also use cryptocurrencies such as bitcoin to pay for purchases.”

The NCIS memo went on to warn Navy personnel that these transactions aren’t quite as protected as many believe them to be. They note that Bitcoin transactions are in fact traceable and that they’re implementing investigative techniques to circumvent the anonymity offered by TOR. And on top of that the NCIS encouraged snitches to turn over their malfeasant peers.

“NCIS offers rewards,” the agency’s memo concludes, ominously. “NCIS may provide a reward to you for information that leads to a felony conviction.”

Basically, their message was, “You aren’t safe. Not from us, and not from your peers.”

It’s a threat with heavy consequences — should a sailor be caught purchasing, using or distributing LSD on board a ship they could not only be dishonorably discharged and slapped with a felony, but, should they be apprehended abroad it could mean international drug trafficking charges.

Of all the things that someone could get kicked out of the navy for, though, LSD is definitely one of the cooler ones. Hell, in Rooster’s humble opinion, a regular double dose trip should be part of every sailor’s training regimen. They shouldn’t be punishing these seamen — they should be rewarding them.

Or, perhaps, they should be creating a new branch of the Navy specifically for psychedelic sailors — the wooks of the ocean — the 101st Acid-Bourne Division: sending our boys to the HIGH seas.

If only. Sadly though, the world isn’t ready for something like that. Not yet at least. And so, for now, our Navy seamen and sailors will continue to be persecuted for their psychedelic escapades.