The "who, what, when, where and whys" of the Third-life Crisis …

Life is a fucking roller coaster. So far, up to this point, we all at one time or another thought we had it all figured out. Then, months go by and another revelation of not knowing what the hell is happening comes to pass. It's a vicious cycle. One that will probably never end — at least in any of our lifetimes.

But it gets better, for the most part. Right about at 30, you begin to realize that you can't and won't do the same things that used to be done before — you don't really want to, either. Sure, you have a social life and care about recreation, but it's different. It's not so in the moment, following others at whim. It's more about 'you' and getting your shit in order to enjoy the remaining 66 percent of the time we're given.

After 30, you never have to worry about this shit ever again:

Who you're hooking up with

Even if you haven't settled down with anyone by the time a Third-life Crisis rolls around, it's not to say it continues to matter as much as it used to. No, it doesn't mean you're out bagging solid 3s when you once caught healthy 9s, but the idea of always going after it becomes secondary to more important things. It's nice to not have what's going on in your pants control which way you turn at the forked road.

What people say about you

Your peers are still going to act like they're in high school, but the difference here is, you don't care. It's none of your business what others think of you, anyways. So a complete stranger notices a little baggage slouching over your belt, big deal. That bowl of ice cream was delicious, wasn't it? Let others judge who they think you are while carrying on with internal peace.

When bills are paid

They still suck, but by now you've learned how to manage them. What used to be the first-of-the-month dance to float rent checks and buy Ramen for the rest of time is now a responsible habit of adulting. Keeping services on and not having to screen calls is a comfortable existence.

Where you're going tonight

So everyone else is still going to that dumpy, overcrowded bar to spend $10 on watered-down bullshit and not have meaningful (or memorable) conversations with anyone? Good for them. You're using your time to be more productive, to hone crafts, build skills or just enjoy everything else life has to offer. It won't make for a likeable Instagram feed, but you're 30, social media is worthless at this point.

Why things happen the way they do

That's it, you've given up trying to figure shit out. You've been around long enough to realize every older generation doesn't understand and every younger generation is the end of the world. The cycle continues, and you're just a minute part of a massive paradigm. You're now a living incarnation of the phrase "Fuck it."