Ah, so this is where daddy issues come from …

When you're a parent, the last thing you want your precious spawn-baby to do is drugs.

But, what happens when you've torn apart their room searching for dope and crazy pills, and you find nothing?

Do you trust that they're not actually doing drugs and set a positive example by apologizing for your over-reaction? Or, do you just assume that their ability to hide drugs far outpaces your ability to find them?

Well, if you're a hyper-paranoid parent in Kentuckiana, you're sure as hell going with Option #2.

That's why many parents in our nation's great Midwest are turning to private K9 companies to search their teens' rooms for drugs.

One Louisville couple, for example, feared their teen might have committed the abominable sin of smoking a few joints. So, to show him how much they love and trust him unconditionally, they hired a specialized team of narcotic-sniffing wolf descendants from The Last Chance K9 Service to search his room.

Although the vigilante German Shepherd on the job found no pot … he did sniff out four grams of heroin tucked into a pair of tube socks (real original, kid).


That's a good boy.

So far, Last Chance has already searched more than 50 teen bedrooms in the Kentucky/ Indiana area since last September. But although they sometimes come up empty handed, owner Michael Davis says they find some hidden treasure about 90 percent of the time.

His company's doggos are capable of finding all sorts of goodies including barbiturates, methamphetamines, heroin, marijuana and cocaine, which silly, silly teens hide in facepalmingly obvious places like their rooms, bathrooms and cars.

But even when these party teens grow a brain cell and try to hide their stash in more thoughtful places, their tactics are no match for police-trained K9 units. According to Davis, one teen with a 5-year-old brother tucked some devil's marijuana inside a red children's cereal box, reasoning it was a perfect hiding spot since no one in his house liked that brand.

… No one except the drug dogs, d'oh!

Moral of the story, kids? You take your drugs, and you bury them in your neighbor's yard. If the drug dog's come sniffing, they'll dig it up but no one will be able to put it on you, and you can get back to studying for your AP American History course/  being a little shit. You're welcome.

Photo cred: Vigilante Canine