Sneaking guns and explosives past TSA is easier than crying at the Sarah McLachlan animal cruelty commercial.
In this crazy world, you could die at any point. You know this. We all know this.
But, if there's any time you want to be 100 percent certain you're safe and not going to die, it's at the airport when you're going through security … you know, the place where they're supposed to weed out all the potential mass murderers and terrorists so you can make your connecting flight to Charlotte with a pulse?
Well, according to a new survey of TSA efficacy, 100 percent certainty of non-death is a just little high. Would you be okay with a slightly lower number? Four percent, perhaps?
You're going to have to be chill with that, dear airline passenger, because according to the survey TSA fails at detecting weapons ninety-fucking-six percent of the time. Ninety six. That's an A+ for not keeping you alive.
TSA administrator Peter Neffenger went before the House Homeland Security Committee on Wednesday and said it was a "huge concern" that the agency's officers failed to identify bombs, weapons and other security threats that snuck through the system. No shit …
Neffenger is pushing for a new training program that all airport screeners will undergo within the next 60 days to so they can better detect explosives and spot weapons. The entire TSA will supposedly receive this retraining by the end of September, so if you're planning on jetting off to Kyrgyzstan for some mildly depressing summer fun or some shit, you might want to hold off until then.
One day in the near future, travelers will be able to use fingerprints or other biometric identifiers instead of paper or electronic boarding passes to get through security, which solves the problem of people boarding with fake identities … but until TSA figures out how to keep people from blowing up planes with on-board explosives, we think we're just gonna chill here in Colorado for the foreseeable ever.
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