Just this week, a Florida church faced outcry after several members of the community misinterpreted its well-meaning sign.
The billboard outside the Bella Vista Baptist Church read, “FORGIVENESS IS SWALLOWING WHEN YOU WANT TO SPIT.”
Representatives from the church insist the message was intended to spread a message of compassion, but the sign was widely misunderstood as more of a sexual innuendo.
The community’s complaints began after one wholesome woman drove by the dirty sign, gasped in horror, then took an immediate U-turn to snap a picture. The woman then posted the photo to Facebook, where members of the neighborhood shared her outrage.
"We apologize if anyone was offended," officials from the church wrote. They also made a point of changing the sign to something that can’t be mistaken for encouragement to swallow a hot load of jizz.
However, this isn’t the first time a church has unknowingly spread sexualized messages. Over the years, houses of God have proudly displayed a number of strangely perverted signs.
We assume none of the following were on purpose:
It’s possible that sexual naivete is the explanation behind these signs. The church-goers who chose these filthy phrases are such pure, innocent souls they genuinely cannot see the hidden dick jokes.
However, there’s another factor that may be at play: sexual suppression.
Much of Christian culture sees sex as a shameful act. Sex before marriage is strictly forbidden, pornography is prohibited, and even thinking about sex is sinful. But even the most pious of Christians are only human, and can’t deny they have sexual desires, just like everyone else.
After a lifetime of suppressing those naughty thoughts, they were bound to spill out somewhere.
Some find their urges spilling out in unconventional sex acts, like the “Mormon dick soak” or the “poophole loophole.” Others might find their repressed sexual needs oozing out as they rearrange the letters of the sign outside the local church.
When someone’s religion teaches them that sex is the devil and masturbation will make them go blind, it’s hardly a surprise when they have a wet dream about Jesus, diddle a choir boy, or use the church billboard to encourage the neighbors to suck a dick (and swallow).
Everybody’s gotta get their kicks somehow.