Sure, you'll freeze your nipples off and mullets aren't that attractive. But Canada has its upsides: gravy-soaked fries, very little golf, and, starting next month, totally-legal marijuana.
Even for army men.
Yes, the Canadian military will let service members smoke.
Its rules, just released, are surprisingly reasonable. (Canada may be the most reasonable country in the hemisphere.)
Just stop long enough to work the stuff out of your system: eight hours before any shift, 24 hours before using weapons, a month before flight missions and two weeks before driving a zamboni (kidding).
Getting high on the job is not allowed, the directives say, although the fact that they even have to say that shows just how goddamn reasonable Canada is.
“We believe our members are very keen on what they’re doing in the Canadian Armed Forces and they have the right ethics and morals to make sure they are available at all times and that they are not impaired by this, or any other substance," Lt. Gen. Chuck Lamarre, head of personnel for the Canadian Armed Forces, told the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation.
It seems like a very reasonable move to treat military men and women like adults. After all, we already trust them with the keys to the tanks.
The American military, of course, won't follow Canada. Using cannabis is still court-martial-able, and drug testing is super intense.
The harsh testing came after Vietnam, when American soldiers mainlined heroin like dead rock stars and used shotguns as weed pipes. Watch:
Today, soldiers, airmen and marines don't smoke much cannabis — only .6 percent of service members do. Instead, they're more likely to roll up spice, or synthetic cannabis; drug tests don't detect it.
It's childish, men who could snap your neck like a twig sneaking tokes of fake weed behind their commanding officers' backs like teenagers in a backyard clubhouse.
The drug issues in the American military aren't weed anyway. They continue to be the legal drugs, like booze — 35 percent meet criteria for possible alcohol use disorder — and pills — 20 percent take prescription pain relievers.
And once again Canada shows the way. Except with the whole mullet thing.
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