He's gonna be broke by the end of this show …
Von Miller makes about $14 million a year playing for the Denver Broncos, but he's currently hemorrhaging funds due to a little problem called debilitating farts.
Apparently, Miller is having such a gas on "Dancing With the Stars" that he's passing some of his own out of sheer excitement, and much of it has been landing on his sweet, cute dancing coach Witney Carson.
So much so that she's been making him pay her $100 every time he lets one rip during practice.
This has to be the BEST RACKET OF ALL TIME. What the hell are we doing here, sitting at our computers like dingholes, when we could be out there, making people pay for gas in a whole new way? It's just too genius.
Miller knows he's being played, though. “Witney’s fining me for farting,” Miller said. "At this point I think she’s taking advantage of me.”
No shit! Literally.
Maniacal mastermind Witney is also considering charging him for swearing.
"I’m going to be so rich by the end of this," she said.
It’s not the first time the Super Bowl 50 MVP has been charged for farting though. According to NFL reporter Nicki Jhabvala, the Broncos have a flatulence tax on Miller. He's gotta pay up every time he gasses the locker room too.
What a time to be alive.