It's totally how we'd operate if we were robots … 

If we had robot hands, complete with hydraulic crushers and laser vision, we'd be the biggest assholes in the world. Every day would be filled with crushing our enemies, slicing things in half … man, that would be sweet.

Tragically, we don't have robot hands, but the Internet has done a good job of letting us live out our dreams. 

The first is the YouTube channel Cut In Half, which (you guessed it) cuts shit in half with a super-powered death laser … or a water gun that shoots out a concentrated stream at 60,000 psi.

Man, that's some sweet cuttin'. 

Yeah, fuck off, computer! That'll teach you to make us do work. 

And the other magic Internet dream-fulfiller is the Hydraulic Crush Channel, which puts a bunch of crazy shit under the billion-pound crush-force of a big scary machine. 

Go to hell, Barbie! And they find the truth about whether you can fold a piece of paper more than seven times … with crazy results. 

And our last hero is the folks at Red Hot Nickel Ball, which melts the shit out of things. Here's their dramatic reenactment of eating Taco Bell. 

This is the next few days of our lives, for sure.