Since humans first discovered the joys of burning grass they’ve tried to wrap their heads around marijuana and why this amazing plant miraculously sprouts up in backcountry corn fields world wide. That's why we chronicled (get it) the history of weed for you, although history proves we still have no idea what the fuck is going on.

Since humans first discovered the joys of burning grass they’ve tried to wrap their heads around marijuana and why this amazing plant miraculously sprouts up in backcountry corn fields world wide. That's why we chronicled (get it) the history of weed for you, although history proves we still have no idea what the fuck is going on.

1500 BC: Earliest written reference to cannabis is in Chinese pharmacopeia. 

1213 BC: Ramses II brought cannabis pollen with him to the grave, shocking scientists who found it in his wrappings. Egyptians used cannabis for many things, including glaucoma and inflammation.

700 BC: An ancient Persian religious text, “The Venidad,” lists cannabis as the most important of  10,000 plants used in medicine at the time.

70 AD: An ancient Roman Medical text, “De Materia Medica,” sites cannabis as extremely useful. The book was the most important medical collection for more than 1,500 years. Uses of cannabis cited in the book included suppressing sexual longing, treating ear aches and making ropes and other textiles. We always knew the Romans were up for a good time.

200 AD: Hua T’o, a Chinese surgeon, makes the first anesthetic with cannabis resin and wine and uses it with great success. See, we weren’t the first to figure out that wine and weed take away the pain.

1611: Hemp comes to America. Jamestown settlers grow it to make fiber for export.

1744­-1824: George Washington and Thomas Jefferson grow hemp at their plantations. Washington was very interested in the medicinal uses of cannabis, and a few of his diary entries indicate his crop was sticky-­icky­-icky. No wonder he was picked to be the first president; he had the best weed. 

1799: Napoleon brings pot from Egypt to France and investigates its use as a pain reliever and sedative.

1850: Cannabis was added to U.S. pharmacopeia with a laundry list of uses including treatment for cholera, alcoholism, insanity and opiate addiction. Tinctures were widely available.

1906: The Pure Food and Drug Act signed by Roosevelt mandated labels state what was in food and drugs, and it expressly noted the amount of cannabis needed to be on the label. We wouldn’t want people dosing incorrectly now.

1911: Massachusetts is the first state to outlaw cannabis. During the era of prohibition nothing was safe, not weed, not alcohol, not even oral sex. Those stuck up Victorians could have engaged in a little stoned oral, but they weren’t alone. Twenty other states outlawed cannabis shortly after. Colorado made the switch in 1917.

1930: Marijuana is coined as a term for pot. Thousands of years before this people just called it cannabis or hemp. They started calling it marijuana to imply it was dangerous and foreign because of its widespread use in the Mexican population. What was worse in 1930s than Mexicans? Only Mexicans with marijuana; that’s it.

1933: William Randolph Hearst famously denounces marijuana in his newspapers with salacious stories of minorities killing and raping white people while baked out of their minds. He had lucrative ties with the lumber and cotton industries, and it is rumored his campaign to defame cannabis was in attempt to crush the hemp industry so he could turn a  profit. Well it worked Hearst, we hope you’re happy.

1936: “Reefer Madness” makes its box office debut.

1937: Marijuana Tax Stamp Act was enacted and the first marijuana­related arrest goes down on the same day. Samuel Caldwell is arrested at the Lexington hotel in Denver — how ironic — for selling weed. He was sentenced to four years of hard labor and fined $1,000.

1942: Marijuana is removed from U.S. pharmacopeia.

1951: The Boggs Act put in place minimum two­ to five­year prison sentences for drug crimes. At this point it was believed drug addiction was contagious and incurable. Offenders needed to be sectioned off from society so they couldn’t infect anyone with their horrible addiction. 

1956: Marijuana is included in the Narcotics Control Act and first offense possession carries a minimum sentence of two to 10 years in prison as well as a $20,000 fine.

1964: THC is found to be the psychoactive component to pot and is synthesized in a lab by Paheael Mechoulam.

1970: The Controlled Substance Act classifies marijuana as a schedule 1 narcotic, which means it has no accepted medical use. This officially put it on the shit list for many years to come.

1971: Nixon declares war on drugs.

1972: The Schafer commission recommends decriminalizing weed, and Nixon says, “Fuck you, no.”

1973: The Drug Enforcement Agency is established.

1976: Pot is decriminalized in the Netherlands, making Amsterdam the coolest place in the world at this point.

1986: The Anti Drug Abuse Act increases penalties for drug offenses. “Just say no,” Nancy Reagan is happy that the three strikes you’re out rule incarcerates repeat drug offenders for life and allows sentencing kingpins with the death penalty. She was a hardcore lady.

1990: Researchers discover cannabinoid receptors in the brain. This allows scientists to further understand how cannabis may be used in medicine and shocks the world over that our brains were created with marijuana in mind.

1991: San Francisco passes the first medical marijuana initiative, Proposition P.

1992: Scientists find the presence of endocannabinoids, a naturally occurring version of THC, in the brain. They call it anadamide, from a Sanskrit word that means “eternal bliss” because that’s what it produces.

1996: California legalizes medical marijuana

1998: Alaska, Oregon and Washington legalize MMJ.

1999: The Institute of Medicine conducts a comprehensive study on the effects of marijuana. It concludes it needs more research. We agree, we’ll bring the chips if you bring the movies.

2000: Colorado becomes seventh state to legalize MMJ.

2008: The American College of Physicians petition to reclassify marijuana because it’s really not that harmful and it has medicinal properties. Come on guys let’s get this done.

2011: The DEA denies a 2002 request to reclassify pot from a schedule 1 category because jobs are hard to come by in this economy.

2012: Colorado and Washington legalize the recreational use of weed.

2014: Recreational marijuana is officially for sale in stores in Colorado, making it the coolest place on the earth to date.