America's favorite booze-binging pastimes … on steroids. 

We’ve all played them … thousands of times. Too many times. Christ, far more times than any of us would like to admit, now that we think about it. So why not make 2015 the year it all changes for the better? We’ve gone through the trouble of revamping (and testing, for research purposes only) the rules to everyone’s favorite drinking and park games to add exciting new spins on old classics.

Lay and secure two durable plastic sheets (available at any hardware store) on either side of a standard Flip Cup set-up. Dump a generous amount of environmentally friendly dish soap (because you’re not a biosphere-destroying monster) and spray down with a garden hose. One player from each opposing team drinks a half-cup of booze while running towards the slide. While mid-slip (standing up), the player attempts to flip the cup (per normal rules) as they slide past the table.  Each “flipped” cup from the entire team is one point — one attempt each run, no do-overs. And for the love of non-affordable healthcare, please be careful.

All standard house rules of regular Beer Pong apply — with one significant catch. A loose ball (i.e. anything not being held by the opposing team) is open territory and can be procured at will. One drink must be in the non-dominant hand at all times and cannot be used as a weapon of torture. Slapping, bumping, stiff-arming and tackling are all approved. But never any feet — kicking is for assholes. Once the ball is secured by anyone, in any manner, the contact must be withdrawn. A suggested, unbribable fifth person “referee” is recommended and holds all power of making necessary calls of fairness.

You’ve tossed enough beanbags through the score-hole in your lifetime to divert the waters of Katrina, so many so that you could probably do it blindfolded — or can you? In Cornhole Chaos you may just find out. Write down certain “objectives” on scraps of paper and place them in a hat or cup to be pulled at random by each player. Objectives can include tossing the bag blindfolded, backwards, through the legs, arching sideways … while hugging grandma … pretty much anything to break the cycle of “Hey, look at me, I toss bag good” monotony.

A frenetic alteration of Polish Horseshoes, the new trend sweeping the nation is Polish Dizzyshoes — a terrifying spiral into mental and physical exhaustion. With the standard setup, any number of players take turns rolling a six-sided die. Whatever number it falls on is the amount of times one must spin around with their forehead on one end of a baseball bat and the other touching the ground (a la Dizzybat). Upon completion, the player must then attempt to throw a Frisbee into the opposite team’s “horseshoe” setup, knocking over the balancing beer bottle. Scoring can be set up in any number of ways, but extra points need be awarded for anyone who holds breakfast down the longest.