It’s a tough job, but someone had to do it.

It’s a tough job, but someone had to do it.

THC Oral Spray

Canyon Cultivation: The Spray
Perfect for the office, classroom or first date, this concealable oral product delivers the necessary amount of THC to make anything more bearable. It offers a delectable dose of wintergreen freshness and cannabis extract that tantalizes the taste buds and brings you one step closer to understanding why your boss rubs his nipples when talking about quarterly reports. This isn’t your ordinary Binaca though — this spray is a fast-acting formula that can lay you out faster than Bill Cosby at a wine tasting.


Cannabis Scrub


Mary Jane’s Heavenly Hash Bath
Watch your frustrations about how much money the government pulls from your paycheck each month slowly fade as you submerge yourself in a warm bath of love and hash balls. Mary Jane’s Heavenly Hash is a soothing mixture of cannabis and natural herbs designed to exfoliate your skin and accentuate your natural glow, you magnificent beast you. And rest assured knowing that the only potential side effects (according to the company) are “tingling, mild euphoria and a renewed sense that world peace is possible.” For us, the doldrums of real life persisted, but that could have been because we were immersed in a tingly world of no return.

Massage Oil

Mary Jane’s Cannabis Infused Massage Oil
We understand: your hands could massage the knots out of tree trunk. Sadly, your skeptical soberness has yet to try the delicate dance with cannabis-infused massage oils — and that’s a shame. Because if you tried it, you’d realize it delivers a deep tissue, warm muscle-relaxing tranquility we haven’t experienced since our parents first hugged us last year. Unlike lotions, this spearmint massage oil is made for two; double the pleasure, double the fun.

Lip Balm

Apothecanna’s Lip Buzz
Kissing hasn’t felt this good since we were in heaven for seven minutes back in middle school. That’s a lie; nothing was that good. Not even THC lip balm. But that isn’t stopping us from coating our lips with this oily concoction of cannabis and mango butter. The balm’s consistency differs from that of your typical Burt’s Bees Wax texture, but it surprisingly showed positive results when treating dry lips and patches of damaged skin. And don’t worry, there was absolutely no “high” after applying the lip balm.


Mary’s Medicinal CBD/THC 1:1
Hangovers and PMS stand little chance against this formidable cannabis opponent. Easily applicable to the inside of your arm, the patch is a fast acting dose of CBD/THC that gives a relaxing body high minus the head high. So when you’re slowly dying from a long night of making bad decisions with Burnett’s Raspberry and Lime Vodka, and smoking a bowl seems like too much, just stick it and forget it. The patch is a must have — although we must warn, strong munchies may occur.   



Let’s get straight to the point: Foria is great for both women and men. For the orgasm-troubled women of the world, say hello to your favorite news since scientists officially discovered the clitoris in June of 2004. The THC topical combines cannabis and natural ingredients to increase blood flow to the vaginal region, thus stimulating something guys never seem able to do. Non-psychoactive, Foria offers the arousal of THC without the “high” normally associated with smoking or ingesting cannabis. As for why it’s great for guys: her pleasure is your pleasure. So pull your head out of your ass and give her something what she’s been longing for — a reason to keep your around.