We call dibs on the Ben Affleck character though. What a dreamboat.
So the next time some asshole talks about defunding NASA, ask them if they've ever seen a little documentary called Armageddon. Yeah. We're serious.
Mostly because the eggheads over there just set up the totally real (and completely fake-sounding) Planetary Defense Coordination Office, and we wanna join. If you send in your application, get ready to to defend the Earth from asteroids and comets that get too close for our comfort — and get ready to blow their asses up. Hopefully by drilling into the asteroid's core and installing huge amounts of explosives, but we're not 100% sure that's the preferred method.
The department, which includes the position of Planetary Defense Officer, is managed by the Planetary Science Division of the Science Mission Directorate at NASA Headquarters in Washington, D.C. And its mission includes the early detection of potentially hazardous objects (PHOs): asteroids and comets which get within 0.05 Astronomical Units of Earth's orbit around the sun (7.5 million kilometers) and are large enough, greater than around 30-50 meters (98-164 feet), to reach the Earth's surface.
They've even got the latest "Asteroid Watch" posted on their website. We're not sure what we're supposed to do with this info, but if we see any of these things around, we'll fuck them up.
Menacing, right? But what happens if they get up all in our grill? Well, NASA is a little unclear in the job description:
Planning and implementation of measures to deflect or disrupt an object on an impact course with Earth, or to mitigate the effects of an impact that cannot be prevented. Mitigation measures that can be taken on Earth to protect lives and property include evacuation of the impact area and movement of critical infrastructure.
We're not sure how we're gonna keep a giant hunk of space crap from killing everyone, but I'm sure we'll figure it out soon.
And just to get you in the mood, we'd like to share the trailer for the 1998 classic film:
Why not just train actual astronauts to do the drilling instead of training morons to become astronauts? Because Michael Bay says so, that's why.
Anyway, we'll see you at NASA.