What to drink when you don't know any better. Don't let the exotic flavor spectrum fool you, these adult beverages pack a punch stronger than Chris Brown's.

(“Enjoy at home or on the go.”)
A.B.V./Serving size: 5%/10 oz.
Flavors tested: Margarita and Pina Colada
Misc.: Technically a “flavored wine product;” the pina colada flavor contains 0% fruit juice, while the Margarita flavor contains 1% fruit juice, while none of the other products we tested bothered to mention anything about juice. Don’t let it melt—it turns weird.
Tasting notes: “A really dry frozen;” “doesn’t taste like shitty booze;” “stays mysteriously cold.”
Rating: 8.1

A.B.V./Serving size: 6.7%/3.4 oz.
Flavors tested: Original Lime Margarita
Misc.: Authentic consistency, easy to consume; we’re not sure why it’s called “Shark Attack;” at less than $2 a pop we’d buy these again. 
Tasting notes: “Like an Otter Pop for adults;” “delicious;” “tastes like a pine tree.”
Rating: 7.3

A.B.V./Serving size: 10%/3.4 oz.
Flavors tested: Peach Plum, Watermelon Lime, Kiwi Mango, Strawberry Lemon
Misc.: Its graffiti-like logo earns it some street cred, but its flavor combo choices seem odd, like they optioned the rights to failed flavors from yesteryear; this is technically not a malt beverage but rather a flavored grain spirit, which is basically Everclear; catchy “freeze. squeeze. slurp” slogan reinforces catchy urban appeal.
Tasting notes: “cotton candy;” “that’s Yellow #5;” “swallow it right away;” “it tastes like some kind of chemical”
Rating: 4.7

A.B.V./Serving size: 12%/23.5 oz.
Flavors tested: Grape, Blueberry Pomegranate, Raspberry Watermelon, Strawberry Lemonade 
Misc.: With its introduction of the Blast line of products, Colt 45 seems to be targeting the 14-year-old demographic; can lists “natural fruit flavors and FD&C” components on its front label
Tasting notes: “like a bitter Jolly Rancher;” “bad;” “that’s delicious;” “kind of like Sweet Tarts;” “oily;” “I think I burnt my tongue;” Blueberry/Pomegranate: “chemical nasty;” like a “deeper hue of barbershop antiseptic—or toilet bowl cleaner;” “it’s Smurf hooch”  
Rating: 4.6

A.B.V./Serving size:
12%/23.5 oz.
Flavors tested: Watermelon, Lemon Lime, Fruit Punch
Misc.: Smirnoff’s Black product line comes with
Tasting notes: “It’s glowing;” “like vodka Mountain Dew;” actually “pretty subtle flavors,” not overly syrupy; “I don’t feel like I’m rotting my gut”
Rating: 6.9

A.B.V./Serving size: 12%/23.5 oz.
Flavors tested: Cherry Lime, Green Apple, Kiwi Strawberry
Misc.: Trying too hard to stake out its urban-ness;
Tasting notes: Kiwi Strawberry: “tastes like rotten cantaloupe”
Rating: 4.6

A.B.V./Serving size: 15%/1.75 litres
Flavors tested: Rum Punch, Melon Margarita
Misc.: “A taste of paradise you can enjoy anywhere anytime.”
Tasting notes: “banana peachy;” “coconut;” “tastes high octane;” “much better on ice;” “very Malibu”
Rating: 4.5