Marijuana has been called many things, but "Screaming Green Orgasm" isn't one of them … until now. That's right stoners and stonettes. We think weed needs a new name.

Marijuana has been called many things, but "Screaming Green Orgasm" isn't one of them … until now. That's right stoners and stonettes. We think weed needs a new name. 

Why? We'll tell you why. With the recent legalization of marijuana, many attitudes and behaviors are changing across the country … and marijuana terminology is changing with it. Slowly but surely, as weed steps into the spotlight, certain names for it are fading into obscurity, while others don glittery leotards and strut around on stage like linguistic Liberaces. So, we thought it's about high time to adapt to this swiftly changing tide and come up for a new. cutting-edge name for everyone's favorite green thing.

But, to come up the right word to describe it, let's first travel back in time to see the most popular names for the stuff throughout American history. You know, for weedspiration.

1920s: Reefer

Although the film Reefer Madness wasn't released until 1936, the term "reefer" sprang up in the 1920s as a euphemism for weedy-ass weed. The makers of the film likely used this term in an ironic way, as its then-antiquated meaning would have given it a sort of "what your parents call it" kind of vibe, creating the feeling that the fear surrounding it was held by older, know-it-all types. But nonetheless, the term "reefer" remained supreme, alluding to its association with the shadowy underwold of the 20s.

1930s: Pot

In the dirty thirties, your grandparents were running around, calling weed "pot." The word pot probably comes from the Mexican word ‘potiguaya,’ which means seeds. There's also a Mexican soup called ‘potacion de gauays,’ which means ‘a sorrow soup' in Spanish and is some kind of brothy concoction involving marijuana. How it got shortened to "pot" from that is unclear, but if we know one thing, it's that words with more than one syllable seem like death sentences when you're blazed.

1930s-1940s: Marijuana

As states began to outlaw the devil's grass and smoking it became a clandestine behavior, the term "marijuana" began to emerge as the most popular pot synonym of the time. Derived from Mexican Spanish, the term had a dark, exotic, seedy feel, reminiscent of the Latin underworld of the time. As a result, weed came to be associated with the Latin culture, and the word "marijuana" began to imply a sort of subculture, which in turn had a lot do with burgeoning crusades against it and its later classification as a Schedule 1 substance. Linguistic speculate that it was a mutation of the name "Maria Juana," or "Mary Jane" for those who skipped Spanish. Who this Maria is remains cloudy, but she must have been really, really lazy.

1960s-1970s: Dope

For a long time, the word "dope" had been used to refer to harder drugs like cocaine and heroin, but the younger generations of the hippie-disco era began to use it as a name for pot as a way to make fun of old conservatives who would place weed in the same category as more intense, addictive drugs.

1990s: 420

The term "420" started out in the 70's in California's San Rafael county as a police code for Marijuana Smoking in Progress. When locals heard police reporting a "420" going down, they'd make fun of it by referring to smoking weed as "420-ing." But, it wasn't until the1990s that the term really took off after spreading around tailgates at Grateful Dead concerts. One member recalled playing a show in Marin County, and, as he waded through the pre-show tailgate crowd, he was handed a flyer that advertised a "meeting on 4/20 at 4:20 to 420," prompting him to refer to smoking weed using those sacred numbers.

Today the code makes an appearance in a a variety of pop culture settings; some of the clocks in "Pulp Fiction," were set to 4:20, and a  "Price Is Right" contestant won YouTube fame by bidding either $420 or $1,420 for everything. Giggle. But without a doubt, you're probably most familiar with it from CU's infamous 420 rally, which campus officials have been really good at preventing in the last few years … dicks.

Present day: Weed

The word "weed" was being used nearly a century ago to describe sticky-icky.  In 1929, American Speech included it "Among the New Words" and listed it as a "marijuana cigarette." But, the term lay mostly dormant in the American lexicon until the 1990s when rebellious kids began trying to distance themselves from their parents' dope or pot. The word "weed" already existed, and was sufficiently underused enough to seem "cool." Plus, it was funny and ironic, which went well with how people felt smoking the stuff. 

However, the term is rarely used in mainstream journalism outside Rooster, or weed sites like High Times. It's relative newness to popular language has made it too "slang" to use in most publications, although pop culture hasn't shied away from its use at all, which is what has made it the most popular term to describe cannabis today.

Here's a really cool visual aid to delight your eyeballs:

So, given that little linguistic history lesson, where should we start in coming up with an alias for Mary Jane? Well, as more states start to legalize medical or recreational weed, “It becomes less important to be cute or coy,” says Geoffery Nunberg, a linguist with UC Berkeley. “Some of that language will disappear.” 

That's especially true given the advent of medical weed, which has adopted the sciency-sounding "cannabis" or "marijuana" to make it sound both official and therapeutic. These well-established words are safe, and not at all underground-sounding ways to describe something that gets you fucked up enough to eat Bugles.

But, since the terms "marijuana" and "cannabis" have already been championed by the legalization and medical movements, we need a slang term. One that'll help weed retain its beloved subcultural vibe. One that the kids will use as they sneak out of Dad's house to meet up with their friend X-Ray who's got all the chill hookups.

So, to find that perfect word, we turned to the cobweb-encrusted annals of the internet to see if we could find the right one.

… And there, nestled under 21 billion other sites, was the weed name list we were looking for. A list that included the most obscure names for weed we've ever heard. A list compiled by the surely-heady site "Parenting Teens."

Out of anyone, this pubescent parenting internet gem was sure to be on the cutting edge of haute pot trends on da streetz, right? Well … here are some lesser-known words they claim are currently used to describe weed … aka "What Your Midwestern Grandma Thinks Weed is Called."

1. Bammy

2. Assassin of Youth

3. Chillums

4. Muggles

5. Snop

6. Churus

7. Colorado cocktail

8. Fu

9. Gauge butt

10. Mohasky

11. Burrito

12. Indian boy

… okay, yeah. Those aren't going to work. Maybe we should turn to someone a little edgier … Urban Dictionary, perhaps? Here's what they think weed is called:

1. God's gift to mankind

2. A great way to spend "quality time" with your loved ones

3. Grass

4. Bud

5. Herb

… Wow, Urban Dictionary, those are really "dank." Really "heady." Really "herbacious." And we don't think we have enough dreadlocks or hemp ponchos to avoid coming across as an undercover police officer when we slink up to the courthouse and ask the nearest burly-looking punk for an eighth of "god's gift to mankind."

You know what? We're just gonna have to make up our own. Let us know what you think … here goes. 

1. Pizza motivator

2. Chumbawumba

3. Only friend

4. "………." (a silent, whishing sound)

5. Prison overpopulator

6. Jorb

7. 421

8. Meds

9. Daddy's little helper

10. Christina

11. Boomerang (because it's so good, you keep coming back to it … slick.)

12. Salsa verde

13. Frontal lobotomy

14. Anus

15. Lung party

16. Get a job

17. AEIOU and sometimes Y

18. Topiary

19. Munch

20. Hot, sticky, steamin' goo whizzer

Thoughts? Concerns? Better ideas? Let's hear 'em. But for now, we're gonna go blaze some anus.