It might not seem like it from your Dungeons and Dragons dojo, but Denver is the most sexually active city in the whole entire country. But if you've been too busy fucking to read this, don't worry, we've summarized this salacious finding for you, you sexy beast.

It might not seem like it from your Dungeons and Dragons dojo, but Denver is the most sexually active city in the whole entire country. But if you've been too busy fucking to read this, don't worry, we've summarized this salacious finding for you, you sexy beast.

To come up with the country's sluttiest, ahem, most sexual city, Quality Health analyzed birth rates, fertility rates, birth control sales and the purchase of sex toys and erotic novels across each state. And guess what? Denver bough more condoms and birth control, had more screaming infants, and purchased all the sex toys that ever were at a way higher rate than anywhere else.

They also found that Denverites buy 189 times more contraceptives than other states, which either means you guys are really great at using condoms, or you don't know how to use them at all. Or you're filling them up with water and throwing them at people, who knows.

But we think there's more to being incredibly, undeniably sexy than birth control sales. Here's our scientifically accurate list of things that we think makes Denverites way more likely to get laid.

1. We drunk

In addition to being the most sexually active place you can go to with a U.S. passport, Denver is also the ubiquitous Land of Craft beer. Everywhere you breathe there's a local brewery with insane, high ABV brews on tap to give you beer googles when you need them. Which is always helpful, except …

2. … You don't need beer goggles

Is everyone in Denver a model suddenly? You cant walk down the street without running into a poor man's Brad Pitt or a tattooed Mila Kunis doppelganger. If you are, for some reason, under the spell of Denver's craft beer goggles, they'll make the 10 that just walked in into a 20, which doesn't suck according to your boner. People here are too good looking not to get it on.

3. We just rubbed weed lube all over our sex parts and now we're horny, so can you please come over

Guess what you can buy in Colorado? Weed lube. Guess what it does? Let's just say it probably has something to with our conspicously high contraceptive purchase rate.

4. Speaking of weed, we're pretty relaxed about shit

Denverites, and Coloradans in general, have a really relaxed attitude about casual sex. Is it the permanent weed cloud settled over the city? Is it the edibles stuck in everyone's teeth? Is it the sense of newness and excitement at all the recent weed laws? We don't know, but we do know that we've noticed a trend between increasing promiscuity and increasing weed smoking. It makes you too relaxed to pretend you don't want to fuck everything that moves.

5. The music scene

Whether your grinding on 20 strangers at an EDM foam party, swaying to some romantic shoe-gazy shit next to the hipster beard of your dreams, or flirt-moshing at the metal-rap-fiddle show, Denver's music scene makes everyone kinda randy. We mean, standing in a crowd of hot, probably high people while smoke machines, flashing lights, and your favorite band create the ultimate prelude to sex doesn't make you want to go home solo.

6. Pretty good education. Pretty, pretty good.

If you grew up in Colorado, you probably remember walking into class and seeing a giant projection of a herpetic vagina on the wall inscribed with the words "Use a Condom." That, or the Waldorf school you went to had a sexual healer come and talk to your third-grade class about kama sutra and male prostate massage. Either way, it seems like the Colorado school system starts your sexual education off pretty early, and you know that if you don't buy a few condoms every now and then, you're gonna end up with a mini-you who just poops all day.