Treat people with the same respect you do your friends and you just might come up in the world …

“Because you’re a regular here, I’m going to tell you, those sunflower seeds are fucking disgusting, man.”

That’s a bit of advice given to me this morning from a cashier at the gas station I stop at every morning for coffee. He and I don’t have a great relationship: I say hi, he takes my money, and we both go about our day. We’re cordial, but we’re not best friends.

But today he threw me a solid hookup. He steered me against buying a new flavor of sunflower seeds, Sour Cream and Onion, claiming they “taste burnt” and his father — after 3 separate bags — even hated them after giving each repeat purchase the benefit of the doubt. I obliged, thanked him, and went for the standard BBQ flavor instead — a hell of a go-to in these types of all-or-nothing situations.

Being a regular at your favorite spots has benefits abound; some you might not even be aware of …

The Homie Hookup

It’s not even that you have to hang out anywhere in real life, you just have to be human to one another, speaking with an interest in each other’s lives. This type of familiarity with the bartender or cashier breeds a type of friendship that often comes with fringe benefits.

Expired coupons forgiven, extra guac without the charge, heavy elbowed pour in your rum and coke — the hooks are seemingly endless.

The Good Stuff

It’s no secret that most all places have what they call “cheap shit” and “luxury shit.” Knowing a worker delineates between the two and assures you never get stuck with the crap meant for assholes.

People treat those who treat them well with the same type of courtesy.

The Presale

Know someone in a game store, or at a tech company, or in the ticketing business? They can most always get you things before they even go on sale. It’s not super ethical, but what does someone care that’s only making $9.50 an hour?

They won't tell if you won't.

The Freshies

That sandwich artist behind the sneeze-guard doesn’t give a shit if you’re on an all-onion diet because a Facebook post told you to be. You’re getting whatever they can reach closest, and you’re going to like it. Unless you’re cool with them, then they’re going out of their way to get the freshies from the back.

Friendship never tasted so good …

The Convenience

Ever seen a long-ass line and thought: “Fuck it, I’ll die here.” Well you wouldn’t have to if you befriended the help. You see, this isn’t grade school, cutting lines is perfectly acceptable when the cashier says something to the effect of: “Oh sorry, they were here before. I told them to come right to me.” See, now everyone’s happy because they’ve been lied to.

Works every time.


Extra shots? Free t-shirt? Concert tickets? The VIP can get it all. There’s a ton of industries that just give things away just because, and often the receiving end gets sick of doubling-up. You know where all that free shit goes when they don’t want it? That’s right, to their favorite regulars that are sitting right there within arm’s reach.

Ain't life grand?