A real woman, whose real name is Beautiful Existence, made a real New Year's resolution last year to eat nothing but Starbucks for an entire year for some reason. And she did it. Let's see how it went, shall we?
It was January 1st, 2013, in the year of our lord, when a woman called Beautiful Existence (real name, unfortunately) promised herself that this year, she would not be losing weight, eating healthier, or feeding her cat more than once a week. Nor would she be donating to charity more often, becoming a better person, or finally figuring out what that smell coming from her basement is. No. Instead, Beautiful vowed she would eat nothing but Starbucks for an entire year.
And by god, the woman did it. After an entire year spent dropping $500 a month on prepackaged salads and poor excuses for coffee cake, Beautiful emerged victorious, and just a little fatter.
But not only did she meet her goal of eating nothing but Starbucks, she managed to prove that she was more irrational and peculiar than the American woman by spending $4000 more on her Starbucks diet than they spent on a year's supply of groceries. Beautiful, if we could shake your coffee-stained hand through this computer, we so would.
But it wasn't easy to accomplish such a respectable and totally logical feat. On her blog, Beautiful recounts harrowing stories of hardship, like the time she was forced to eat Starbucks crackers instead of Christmas dinner, because 12 months into her diet, she kind of forgot she was on a diet, and neglected to plan ahead. Even more chilling was the time everyone in her office was eating pizza and she couldn't join in on the delicious fun.
Beautiful rationalized her thoroughly irrational Starbucks diet with this strong and sassy witticism: "I am fearless and wanted to explore new things in my life," she said. "I love to test the water and each time I challenge myself, I learn a lot." You go girl. Go straight to the nearest Starbucks and order a Santa Fe Turkey Wrap and a non-fat no-whip mocha latte and just stick it inside of your body.
We can't even imagine eating a meal at Starbucks once, let alone every day for an entire year. Gross! But what can we say…the woman's got resolve. We could all learn a thing a two from her about commitment to baseless New Year's resolutions. We can only hope our New Year's resolution to eat nothing but caviar and champagne on a yacht in the Caribbean goes half as well as Beautiful's.