He's single…you're single…it's a perfect match! His interests include smoking feces, and eating porcupine, so if you're looking for something fun, exciting, and maybe a little dangerous, let us know. We'll hook you up.

He's single…you're single…it's a perfect match!

His name is Amou Haji and he's 80. So by now, he probably knows what he's doing in the sack (wink!).

He lives in Iran, outside, by himself. Everyone knows the great outdoors is the perfect bachelor pad! He's got 99 problems and a roommate ain't one, know what we mean? And he lives far enough away that going to see him will seem like an exotic vacation that you have to take malaria pills to go on. Whew! We're already getting hot just thinking about it.

He likes to smoke poop, but when he's not smoking poop, he smokes five cigarettes at once. Ah, a Jack of All Trades, no?

We have to warn you though; he hasn't bathed in 60 years. But there's nothing like the rough, rugged feel of six decades worth of grime stroking your skin, are we right? He says the thought of a bath makes him very angry, and that cleanliness brings illness. Trust us, if we were single, we would hit that up.

Oh, and did we mention he's accomplished? He holds the record for World's Dirtiest Man, blowing the previous record-holder out of the water by not bathing for 22 years longer (the previous guy only made it to 38 years…pussy). Mmm, a man with stamina. We knew you'd like that.

So what'll you guys be doing? Well, for starters, he's going to cook you up a steamin' hot plate of his favorite meal, rotten porcupine. It'll be so fun to try something new! Let us know how it is.

He says that his unique and fun lifestyle is the result of emotional setbacks in his younger years, so we're sure you two will have a lot to talk about. So wear something that you can get dirty, like a Hazmat suit, because this isn't going to be an ordinary date.

Okay, okay, we know you want to see some pics. Try not to salivate all over your keyboard, okay?