You can finally look as smart as you think you are … 

So college is really hard and expensive, but after four (or seven) years of hard work, you get to show off in front of all your friends and relatives, walk up onto the stage and get a very expensive piece of paper. 

Now our memories are pretty fuzzy from when we graduated, but all we can remember is that the super smart, talented kids all had a bunch of shit hanging from their necks. Cords, ribbons and plenty of goofy stuff was draped over their chests, and while we don't know what it all meant, we know that looking successful is the first step to being successful. 

So since you just barely scraped by in college, all those disappointing memories will be a thing of the past after you suit up in the same fancy bling the smart kids have, thanks to Impress My Parents. 

Need some fancy ropes that mean you were really smart in school? Check. Need big-ass ribbons that indicate you were a good person, when you totally weren't? Done. Earning these accolades would've cost you money and lots of time, so their prices are actually pretty reasonable. 

Damn, why didn't they have this when we graduated? Our parents might still talk to us if they did …