Does this mean you could major in self-pleasure in the near future? We're there.
From becoming an alcoholic freeloader with Jack Kerouac to understanding your deepest level of depression with Edgar Allen Poe, students begin finding themselves in college through courses that are not usually offered at a high-school level.
Between the licentious horny poems of John Donne and the risqué works of Shakespeare, masturbation has finally found its way into college curriculum. British students at the University of Sheffield will be studying the ins and outs of eroticism in the new class “The Art of Masturbation,” taught by English tutor Dr. Fabienne Collignon.
After an interview with the university’s news site The Tab, Dr. Collignon states that “The lecture will be on Walt Whitman, Rob Halpern and the deconstruction of masturbation. The last week is called pleasure, self-scrutiny and auto-eroticism. I ended up calling it that because there’s an affinity between literary pleasure, critical self-scrutiny and auto-eroticism.”
Coursework includes reading Jane Austen, The Masturbating Girl, Hardcore: Power, Pleasure and the Frenzy of the Visible, Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation and Walt Whitman: The Spermatic Imagination by Harold Aspiz. Wow. Let's hit the books.
Surprisingly, this type of class is mostly considered the norm at universities. Depending on your major, students can be exposed to a variety of lewd mediums. English majors are expected to participate in hour-long class discussions about historical poems that involve rape, gang-bangs, and how the personification of a flea is used for fucking a lady. Art majors are critiqued on their nude drawings after trying not to get a hard on while sketching a nude model with huge boobs. Creative writing majors sit through awkward workshops where they verbally discuss the lack of insight in their colleague’s 2,500-word porn story.
These classes are just a few examples meant to increase intellect, but mistakenly increase blood flow down south. Although classes like these may help students become well-rounded members of society, there’s nothing natural about having a heated debate about choking the chicken with your ponytailed professor.