In the world of sex, a lot of phrases get thrown around that have the sole purpose of blowing smoke up your ass … but we're here to make sure anything but smoke gets put up in there. That's why we''ve put together this list of scammy sexual lies people tell you; so you can recognize when someone's just pulling your leg when they should be pulling on something else.

In the world of sex, a lot of phrases get thrown around that have the sole purpose of blowing smoke up your ass… but we're here to make sure anything but smoke gets put up in there. That's why we've put together this list of scammy sexual lies people tell you; so you can recognize when someone's just pulling your leg when they should be pulling on something else.

1."Do me first and I’ll finish you off."

Oh, do you mean break our spines doing you first so we can watch in horror as you fall deeply, peacefully asleep before we've even gotten our pants off? Negative.

This is amongst the most common phrases uttered by people who love to receive, but have a hard time giving back to the charity that is your genitalia. If you hear these words in the throes of passion, you know it's a race to the finish line. This person's not down to make sweet love until the sun comes up; more like until you leave. So unless you crave the empty sorrow of masturbating after your partner's fallen asleep, get as many good pumps in as you can so you can beat them to sleep.

2. "That was the best sex I’ve ever had."

…Within the last two hours.

Sure, there are instances where that really was the best sex they've ever had, but everyone here knows for some people, the sheer fact that they came and you didn't bite their head off like a praying mantis is enough to constitute "the best sex."

3. "We should hang out again."

Definitely!… If we're the only two people left after a nuclear holocaust and I need someone to a). Cling to for warmth and b.) Be the lookout while I pilfer canned goods from an abandoned grocery store. Even then, please don't look at me.

4. "I'm allergic to latex."

Right, so they have this crazy allergy to condoms where their head swells up and leathery talons sprout forth from their fingertips minutes before they lumber off into the night only to be found days later, naked and covered in sheep blood?

Please. What they really mean to say is "Condoms make my junk feel like a numbed tooth and I'd rather risk creating an accidental progeny than use one."

Well, they don't call you the Pullout King for nothing.

5. "It's okay, I'm not into marathon sex anyway."

When someone wants to make you feel better about cutting the sex short 13 seconds into the thing, they drop that line on you. Then, to cover up their embarrassment at having to cover up your embarrassment, they'll say something like "It gets boring after too long." Sure it gets boring after four or five hours, but we can assure everyone here that sex is still pretty goddamn cool past the 12 second mark.

Last. Longer.

6. "My boyfriend and I have an open relationship."

One of people's favorite tricks to pull on you is the divulging of the significant other at a climactic sexual moment. Perhaps in the fleeting moment where the penile head and the labia meet before the ecstasy of penetration, one party will utter breathlessly, "I have a boyfriend." Or girlfriend. Whatever.

The recipient of this truth-bomb will stop, mid-thrust, and go, "What!?"

To which the other will reply "It's okay. We have an open relationship."

And the coitus will resume. That is until the boy or girlfriend in question turns on the lights and everyone has to move out and start a new life.

Always have that conversation while clothed and in public; it makes the reality of getting caught so much more blisteringly real.

7. "It's a nice size."

That's a direct translation for "I couldn't even find it with an interplanetary telescope and a pair of tweezers."

"Nice" is not a descriptive word for anything other than "Bad enough for me to be disappointed, but not bad enough for my disappointment to be politically correct."

"Nice" means "unimposing." Like it would make a fantastic guest at a dinner party attended by Girl Scouts.

If someone called something you have or did "nice," consider developing a hobby.

8. "I just need a second in the bathroom."

You think they mean to "freshen up" or that they're preparing some kind of kinky surprise, but what they really mean is they have to fumble with a condom for 58 seconds, fart, pull out a tampon, or lube up a certain pussy because it's about as aroused as pinecone.

9. "Harder!"

They can't feel anything. Nope. It's like they were paralyzed from the waist down in a terrible accident and even though they've recuperated after years of physical therapy, they've forgotten how to feel. It has nothing to do with of your boat … in this case it's more the motion of the ocean that's causing them to beg for jackhammering.

10. "Don't stop!"

You can stop now. Because Hoarders is on, and this guy is hoarding Pez dispensers, Mexican newspapers, and tiny white dogs.