Your mind can go to some strange places …

Hey there.

Are you pretty horny?

Do you feel that you're pretty much constantly DTF?

Do you find yourself pleasantly surprised with your own sexual creativity and how many deliciously dirty things you can think up at times when sex should be the furthest thing from your mind?

Does the phrase "let's cuddle" fill you with existential dread?

Do you ever get so horny you'd literally pay your partner to fuck you, yet they're perfectly content reading in bed with a cup of tea instead because they think the two times you had sex this week was plenty?

Well congratulations, you, because you're officially the hornier one.

There's a certain challenge in having a higher libido than your partner — a constant inner dialogue you run through when your sex drive far outpaces theirs.

While your girlfriend-boyfriend person naps peacefully, blissfully unencumbered by the mental ball and chain that is constant sexual arousal, your mind is spinning, and it can lead to some pretty weird thoughts.

But while being mega-horny can feel alienating, you're hardly alone. In almost every long term relationship, one partner has the higher libido, and that discrepancy has consequences on both partner's delicate little egos.

It's easy to take it personally when your partner rejects you, and hard to realize that love and affection can be conveyed in ways other than boning. But still, your mind can still go to some strange places when your partner blatantly refuses your gracious offering for oral because they "have to work in the morning" (AAAGHHH). 

If that person is you, you've probably had the following thoughts once or twice or 600 times:

1. Is there something wrong with me?  Do you not find me sexy anymore?

2. We're horizontal. I don't understand why you don't have a boner.

3. Listen, you don't even have to do anything. You can just lay there and let me do the work.

4. Why don't you respond to my sexts with equal sexts? How did we go from "I love the way your lips feel on mine" to "What do you want for dinner?"

5. I am the best person in the world at masturbating. No one can masturbate better than I.

6. Most partners would kill to have a partner this horny. Why are my gifts going unappreciated?

7. Why am I always the initiator? It would feel so good to feel wanted for once …

8. Snuggling is cool, like really, cool, but it would be a lot cooler if it was sex. It's like, one tenth of a degree away from sex. It practically is sex, or it would be if we were naked.

9. I just want to show you how much I respect you and how amazing I think you are … by making you come.

10. Please, for the love of God, don't look at my browser history …

11. See that ___ (noun)? We could fuck on that. Bathroom stalls, empty bedrooms at parties, walk-in refrigerators, hammocks, porches, cars, trains, planes, your parent's house and the ground are all perfectly reasonable places to fuck … just saying.

12. Kevin Spacey is kinda hot …