Some rando wants your number and you don't want to be rude? We've got you covered.

Some people, when faced with the difficult decision of whether or not to give their number to a stranger, will make the stupid choice to hand it over.

Thus begins a weeks-long stint of awkward texting, screened calls, and mildly inconvenient light harrasment, all of which could have been easily avoided by pulling the extremely immature, yet pretty chill move of giving the wrong number to said stranger.

But you? You're different. You don't just hand your number out, willy-nilly like, to scrubs and f-word-boys! No, you're special, and your affection has to be earned. You know that there are a handful of bogus-ass numbers you can give people who to get to know you better so you don't have to get to know them better.

And if you didn't know, you do now, because we're about to hit you with 10+1 fake numbers that'll ensure a lifetime of blissful hermitude.

(303) 777-9182

Who's number is this? Not yours, that's for damn sure.

(720) 258-3338

What about this one? I don't know, but I'm still pretty sure it's not yours.

(719) 685-5444

Whose number isn't this? Just kidding, it's mine. Somebody please call me. I make great guacamole.


Good byee, good byee, good byee to you now.

(605) 475-6968

The actual rejection hotline from your teen days. Pretty standard, equally insulting.

(605) 475-6961

Hogwarts Admissions office. Must have a GPA of 0 or higher to apply.

(303) 922-6293

An unidentified Domino's pizza somewhere in Denver. This is the humanitarian option; you're really doing them a favor here. They can't really be mad at you when they just ordered an accidental pizza, can they? They can? Well then pray they top that shit with pepperoni; nothing diffuses tension like ye old spicy Italian sausage.

(866) 740-4531

Groot hotline. Only responds with "I am Groot."

Who is Groot? Go here to find out:

(360) 902-2500

Number to call when you want to take your Dad fishing for Father's Day in Washington State.

(951) 262-3062

Santa's home number. Because the only "job" they're getting from you tonight is a seasonal position on Santa's imaginary assembly line. Or something.

Your mom.

This one really turns the volume up to 11.

When they ask you to put your number in their phone, acquiesce politely and enthusiastically. Scroll through their contacts, find their mom's phone number, then copy and paste it into the phone number field under your name.

That way, when they try to call you, they call Patricia, more colloquially known as Patty. 

Patty gave birth to this person so it's safe to assume she'll appreciate the call. Aww! Bringing families closer together, one you at a time.