A self-proclaimed "hardened feminist" tells us what lines men should be using to talk to women; and sheeeet they're good.
We recently spoke with Carly, a self-proclaimed "hardened feminist" we met in a coffee shop about the most perfectly PC pickup tactics men should use. She informed us that if you have to use a line, there are a few really good ones you can use that make the object of your desire feel less like meat, and more like someone you care to know. Damn, why are people in coffee shops always so wise and all-knowing?
Also, according to Carly, the following pickup lines are so omnipotent that they should only be used for the benefit of society. "Don’t go wasting these on Judy the Tinder Tit," she told us. "These gems are for wooing the girl of your dreams or a celebrity crush you have no real chance with whatsoever."
1. “You’re kind of fascinating.”
This sentence is basically “I love you” geared for the first encounter. Say it to yourself and imagine how you would feel if she said this to you. Sure, it’s nice to receive compliments on your beard, biceps or particularly taut foreskin, but the compliments that go deeper than that — the ones that remark on who you are, rather than what you look like — are the ones that mean the most.
A lot of girls are more than familiar with men complimenting them on their appearances alone. By expressing how fascinating you find her, you’re essentially telling her she has your undivided attention because she’s more than physical beauty; she’s the whole package.
Plus, the word "fascinating" is such a powerful word, and it can do wonders for your crush if you really mean it. It conveys she has something other girls don’t. Another good word to use for the same purpose? “Rare.”
Word to the wise: don’t use this as an opening line. You’ve never exchanged words before, let alone numbers, so you can’t possibly find her fascinating. Let her tell you a little about herself before you lay this saccharine ode on her.
2. “I want to take you home … to meet my mother.”
This is pretty much the line every girl wants to hear — granted, maybe not by you, but by the man they want to spend forever with.
It’s such a simple phrase, but it has a number of very important underlying messages you are expressing to her. When these words flow out of you like golden honey, what you’re really saying is: “I want my mom to love my girlfriend (almost) as much as I do.”
Telling a girl you can’t wait to introduce her to your mom not only lets her know you’re in it for the long haul, but also tells her you’re close with your family and in touch with your sensitive side. Mc-Fuckin’-Dreamboat.
However … we’d advise you to hold off until the second or third date to drop this romance bomb. Asking a girl you just met at the colonoscopy clinic to meet your mom is weirder than meeting a girl at a colonoscopy clinic.
3. “I want to get to know you better than you know yourself.”
This one is truly humanity’s masterpiece. Her heartbeat is now crescendo-ing out of control because you’ve just summoned Cupid and Eros to escort her to a bed of flowers with this line.
We all want to be loved and understood, and girls are no different. This wonderful combination of words, tactfully positioned together in such a way, offers all that and more. You’re essentially saying to her, “I care enough to do the work of finding out what makes you happy and/or come everywhere.”
It almost brings a tear to our eyes every time we think about this phrase. If everyone could say this to each other and mean it, we believe this world would be a better place. And yes we embroidered this phrase onto an abandoned Goodwill pillow because our hearts are made of melted butter.
4. “Do you have a blog?”
When she asks you to follow her on Instagram, try popping the above question, followed by: “You have a beautiful mind; I’d rather follow that instead.”
Successfully pulling this off will put you into an entirely different category than your competition. Whereas there’s a line of other dudes desperately ejaculating onto every picture she posts, you’ll be getting to know her on a more intellectual and personal level by reading and interacting with what’s essentially her personal e-dairy.
If you’re in it for the long haul, this world of hers is way more important than how she looks in a onesie or in front of the Eiffel Tower, two photos 99 percent of women invariably have.
5. “Are you accepting marriage proposals?”
This cheeky little one-liner we concocted has been providing us with an approximate 50 percent response rate on Tinder. It’s just a stupid little phrase aimed at getting her to smile and perhaps think you’re a bit of a romantic goof. In our opinion, that’s really what all pickup lines should strive to do.
Part of the reason this line has been so successful is because it steers the conversation into hypothetical ones. From here, you’re in a safe zone, because you can say nearly anything without it being taken completely seriously. It also brings the dialogue to interesting and entertaining realms and sets you up as someone with a sense of humor.
So there you have it. Who would’ve thought that not all pickup lines have to objectify and insult a woman's intelligence? We hope you all go forth with these pickup lines and make this world a better place … and also possibly get laid. Okay!
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