In light of our country's ever-expanding relationship to sexuality, it's become overwhelmingly clear that women are the more creative, adventurous and understanding gender when it comes to sex.

Women have the balls to pull off sex acts that make men piss their little khaki/ flip-flop combos, while our penis-ed brethren feel much more comfortable sticking to the stuff that requires neither guts, nor work, to enact.

More and more, it seems like men's ego concerns and debilitating fear of "seeming gay" hold them back in the bedroom, keeping them from both giving and receiving a range of pleasures that could enrich and intensify their sex lives if they'd only let them. Incapacitated by these fears, they become a far cry from the sex gods they fantasize about becoming, and instead relegate themselves to the Sexual Average Joe category; the kind that's as easy to find as it is to forget for women who enjoy an increasingly uninhibited relationship to sex.

Of course, not all men are afraid of these things. There are plenty of educated, sexually empowered men with a lovely understanding of female pleasure and sexuality, but they're not quite populous enough at this point to facilitate a major shift how mankind approaches fucking. We're still helplessly ossified in a time period in which men are inhibited by their own fears about heterosexual sex, and the only way I know to move beyond that stagnancy is to call out these fears and address them head-on … however embarrassing or emasculating it may be for you, Chad.

So, here are five sex things that petrify straight guys, yet seem pretty, pretty basic to women.

1. Prostate play (or any sort of butt stuff for that matter)

Picture this: you're with a girl, and she refuses to let you touch her clit. You're pretty damn sure you could give her the orgasm of the century if she'd let you, but she keeps swatting you away, ashamed of something she can't quite verbalize.

You're probably wondering, why is she depriving herself of pleasure? Why doesn't she want to feel something amazing? Why won't she let me do this for her?

Well, congratulations old buddy! You've just experienced what it's like to be a woman whose male partner is scared shitless that having something in his butt might — gasp, shriek — feel good.

So, so many men are terrified of their own butts, wrought with self-destructive worry that any sort of anal stimulation might awaken some latent homoerotic tendency of theirs or signal to their partner that they're somehow less of a man because the role of penetrator was reversed. 

Others still have an innocent, yet ignorant fear that their female partners will see their assholes as gross, and that they'll freak women out with the sheer force of their stink-hair and anal anatomy.

Wrong, wrong, and wrong.

What goes in your butt does not define your sexuality in any way. Take a moment to stop and think about how ridiculous that idea is.

If I eat Indian food, does that make me Indian? No. It makes me someone who likes Indian food.

Same exact story butt stuff. Some gay men do butt stuff, but butt stuff does not make men gay. By the inverse logic: many gay men don't do any butt stuff at all. Does that make them straight? Nooooope.

Likewise, being penetrated does not, in any way, make you less masculine. In fact, one could easily argue that conquering your fears and taking something up the butt for the sake of your own pleasure is a more masculine act.

And as for stink-hair? Anyone willing to go near an asshole is well aware of what they might find there. Guys, when you want to fuck Ashley in the ass, are you afraid of potential sights and smells? You aren't. Neither are we. So, stop body-shaming yourself about your own butt.

As a woman, I can't quite relate to your willingness to deprive yourself of the supposed earth-shattering orgasms prostate stimulation brings. Women are capable of having multiple types of orgasms (g-spot, clitoral, anal, nipple, etc.) and it fucking rules. I mean, really rules. Why wouldn't you want the same thing for yourself? Why not live up to your fullest orgasmic potential? You could be coming so hard you knock yourself out. That sounds fantastic!

Plus, if I'm a chick, and I am, and I want to do butt stuff with you, I am a.) not judging your sexuality or masculinity in any way and b.) aware that I'll encounter hair, smells, and maybe some poop. I know what butts are for.

I simply want to be the person that gives you the most intense orgasm of your life. I want to have the power and ability to make you come like you've never come before, and to do stuff with you that other chicks maybe won't. And I want, for a brief second in time and space, to know what it's like give pleasure through penetration.

That's the female thought process. It's that simple. It's not scary, and definitely not judge-y.

So … at least consider letting us touch your butt.

Need more convincing? Read this article where men describe what it's like to have a prostate orgasm. It's … enlightening.

2. MMF threesomes

Many men wouldn't think twice about having a threesome with two girls, but think a threesome with two guys is "gross" because they'd  have to see the other man's "dick and balls flopping."

… Huh? You'll watch gang bang porn and jack off to distant internet chicks getting nailed on YouPorn all day, but you won't witness the exact same flopping of male anatomy in real life, when you're with an actual woman who's ostensibly touching you? Riddle us that. That's a double-standard covered in a fine dusting of illogical hypocrisy and it does nothing but hold you back from good fun.

Since many women are pretty down for FFM threesomes, it's unclear to women what men are so afraid of about their MMF counterparts, but a large portion of it appears to be discomfort with other men and man's complicated ego.

Let's unpack each.

Many men are under the mistaken impression that a MMF threesome means they have to a homoerotic interaction with the other man.


Threesomes are whatever you make them. You can easily have a MMF threesome where there is zero interaction between men. You can also have one where there is total interaction between them. Or something in between. It's whatever the fuck you want it to be. All you have to do is specify what you're comfortable with beforehand, and if that boundary gets broken, you're free to stop.

If you really want to ensure no man-on-man contact goes down, have an MMF threesome with another guy you know and feel comfortable with. You don't have to look each other in the eyes while you're getting simultaneously sucked and fucked unless that's your secret bro handshake.

Just because women enjoy a more fluid sexuality and generally feel comfortable with same-sex stuff during an FFM threesome doesn't mean you have to. But that also doesn't mean you should outright fear or reject an MMF. If you're really not into it for a different reason, that's fine, but holding on to the discomfort of homoerotic contact as a way to get out of an MMF doesn't do you any favors … and it keeps you from being able to fulfill your female partner's interests (if she's into that).

Now, about men's ego blocks when it comes to MMF arrangements:

Although many guys have FFM fantasies and dream about being taken advantage of by two women at once, they find it astronomically difficult to comprehend women might have the same desires. The eroticism of being overwhelmed and so desirable that not one, but two people want to fuck you is hardly exclusive to any gender, but men are so blisteringly uncomfortable with this that they think less of women who have an identical fantasy to theirs.

This is because men are conditioned to think selfishly when it comes to sex (yet somehow won't consider the most selfishly decadent sex act of all — the prostate orgasm). They're concerned with what they get out of the interaction, never stopping to think that they might just do it because it turns their lady on and because it does no damage to them.

They're also conditioned to think a woman who sleeps with anyone else other than them is slutty. This is a way to shame women into suppressing her desires so they don't have to be accounted for.

These two mistaken ideas in tandem scare men away from MMFs, which is a little unfair for the many, many women who want to have them and find it hard to fulfill their fantasies while simultaneously being expected to fulfill men's identical ones.

3. Talking about their desires

The simplest and quickest way to have good sex is to talk about it.

But since so many men are taught to pretend they have no emotions and are socialized to think they should all be natural masters of sex right off the bat, it can be hard to have a conversation about better sex.

On the other hand, women have the privilege of being allowed to be in touch with their emotions. We're encouraged to talk about our feelings and to identify our desires. So, these kinds of conversations comes naturally to us.

That's why whereas most men see discussion about desires and what they can do to make sex better as criticism, women tend to see it as just … talking. We listen to what our partners are saying, and offer up our own experience to match.

That's called intimacy. That's called bonding. That's called figuring out how to have better sex, but these are things that men seem innately scared to facilitate. They don't want to appear "weak" by asking what they could do better or by confessing a secret desire they have — they'd rather appear "strong" by "innately" knowing how to wordlessly please a woman … which happens one out of every never times. Men's idea that they psychically know how to make a woman tick is cute, but it's unrealistic and false.

Reality is, you have to talk to make things better, talk to obtain consent, talk to flesh out fantasies and talk to make sure your needs are met. In the absence of communication, sex becomes mediocre and unfulfilling. That's weak, not talking about it.

4. Fuck buddies

Most straight men seem to automatically assume that if you want to fuck them more than once, you're a stalker. You want to date them and have their babies and keep them from watching sports with Greg and Kyle.

Ha! We find that hilarious.

Most of the time, we want nothing more from you than a simple fuck buddy relationship where we … fuck. That's it. In and out.

Yet, men make that nearly impossible thanks to a deep-seated and heavily conditioned fear of commitment. Even though we're not asking for any sort of commitment when we want to fuck you again, society tells men to puke at and shy away from the slightest suggestion of it, leading to a whole lot of what could have been beautiful, strictly sexual relationships going down the drain.

So look: if we call or text you after a hookup, it doesn't, in any way, indicate we're trying to lock you down. Thinking anything otherwise is self-flattery. If we're contacting you again, chances are, we simply enjoyed fucking you, and would like to keep fucking you. Semi-regularly, when it works for both our schedules.

That's not dating, that's sex on-demand.

A huge portion of the time, we don't want to see your face in the light of day. We don't think you're anywhere near the caliber of person we'd introduce to our dad. We don't care who else you're seeing. We barely want to speak to you. You just fingered our clits really well and didn't totally suck at kissing, so … we'd hit that again.

We just want to fuck you when we want to fuck you, so just let us fuck you. Okay? Okay.

If we want to get serious, we'll let you know.

5. Sex toys

It if vibrates, men are afraid of it.

I mean, god forbid a small, inanimate latex tube with a 14-hour battery life completely reverses the female need for penis. What if this buzzing wand totally dissolves womankind's use for man? What if Erica figuring out how to please herself and make herself come makes it blatantly and glaringly obvious that Tom doesn't have one modicum of understanding about female sexuality or anatomy?


Ugh. Calm the fuck down, men.

So often, men feel threatened by sex toys, irrationally seeing them not as tools for pleasure, but as replacements for their cocks. They're pretty sure that a lifeless stick will make women forget we ever craved human intimacy, or the completely intoxicating, irreplaceable feelings of dick, warmth, body weight, sweat, or the welcome ooze of semen.

Not so. Not so at all.

Nothing compares to the real thing, but sometimes, the real thing just doesn't work with our own individual vaginas. Sometimes the real thing isn't available or it's sick or at work or getting its car cleaned for the fourth time this week. Sometimes, the real thing works great, we just want a different sensation every now and then. You know, like how sometimes you want head and sometimes you want anal? Different sensations. Same thing with women and sex toys.

Plus, what else are we supposed to do when we're insanely horny and you're not around? A lot of the times, sex toys aren't replacements; they're substitutes for dick, fingers and tongues. They're what's laying around when we need to get off, and we need to get off now.

Not to mention that only 25 percent of women can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. Some of us need something extra to get off. No reason to be afraid of that.

If you're a man and you're with a girl who needs a vibrator to come, why shy away from that? She knows what works for her, and the hottest thing you could possibly do is help her feel the pleasure she know's she's capable of having. If she's not orgasming from your dick alone, why deprive her of that because you're insecure that a vibrator, not your dick could get her off? After all, when you use a sex toy with a woman, you're still the one getting her off. You're the one holding it, thrusting it in and out of her, and rubbing her clit with it. You're the one giving her pleasure, even if what you're using to do it didn't sprout forth from your lower abdomen.

Using a sex toy with your chick shows you're not afraid of an inanimate object, that you care about her needs and that you understand her pleasure. It shows you're not making the selfish assumption that your own body should have all the tools she needs to climax, and that you're capable of setting your ego aside in order to get her off. That's fucking awesome. No, really. Awesome. Women aren't used to having our partners put our pleasure above their own, so when we encounter a man who feels comfortable doing that in the way we like, fucking jackpot.