Statistically speaking, there's got to be something there, right?

This is painful to write. We have, for the position of president of the free world, a balding temperamental cumquat continually firing off lies and inaccurate statements throughout his campaign. However, statistically speaking, he should be correct about a few things once in a while, right? Believe it or not, it’s true.

1: Borrowing money to spend on infrastructure

Of all the things we could be spending our tax dollars on, infrastructure is one of the blandest. It’s the beige wool sweater your aunt bought you from Sears for your birthday. As much as you may want that kick ass new park or that sweet ninja sword (for cutting the crime rate of course), repaving roads and bridges is kind of a necessity.

And to do so, Trump proposes we borrow money. Interest on treasury bonds are at historic lows, coming in around 1-2 percent. So not only could we repave our roads and fix bridges — something we’ll need to do eventually — we can now do it at a time where borrowing money is incredibly cheap. This may even lead to competition between companies and contractors, creating more demand and more jobs, which would enrich the economy even further.

Unless Hillary gives us the flying car, then we just say fuck the roads and bail.

2: Flaws in the two party system

Paul Ryan, Rudy Giuliani, Chris Christie, these are just a few of the republican leaders that were once at odds with Trump, but are now endorsing him, and only him, for president. Just a few months ago, they were telling the American people how shitty of a person he was, some even going as far to publicly question the size of Trump’s manhood — but are all now holding his balls higher than the Statue of Liberty presents her torch.

If people are going to side with their own party members, people that they can’t stand and know aren’t suitable to be president, simply because they don’t want the other party to win, then maybe it’s time to sprinkle a few other parties in there. If nothing else, it’ll make the presidential election even more of a game show than it already feels like.

3: Exposing problems with media coverage

One of the biggest controversial issues candidates had with Trump (before he came out as a racist molding pumpkin who forgets to use his Rogaine regularly), was that he would receive more air time than other candidates due to having his show, The Apprentice, on NBC — which canceled it almost immediately after Trump started calling Mexican immigrants rapists and drug dealers in his announcement speech.

This of course just led to Trump getting more air time than before, which grew exponentially with each passing controversy. In one particularly disappointing interview with Megyn Kelly, Trump noted he did in fact feel like he received more air time and he believed it was because of the way the media works, which is to only hover over death, hatred, bigotry and hypocrisy. Which, minus the death (at least as far as we know), is pretty much Trump’s MO.

4: Informing us of major political corruption

In one of the earlier republican debates, Trump went on a rant about how he (and presumably other candidates) could get enough money to run. Basically what we have now is an I scratch your back, you help fund my campaign, kind of system. For example, maybe a politician shows up or donates to an individual/company’s private party, years later the politician can cash in on this favor by asking that individual/company to help fund their campaign.

This also opens the door for individuals, organizations and companies to basically buy politicians through large anonymous donations. In some cases, these entities give politicians money in exchange for passing/vetoing certain laws. Some of the heavily speculated puppeteers behind these politicians are the NRA (National Rifle Association), the Koch brothers and large company oil producers, commonly known as big oil.

5: Bringing immigration reform to light

Guess what people, we already have a wall and it’s shit at keeping people out. As the Mongols, Barbarians and White Walkers could all tell you, walls can be kind of easy to get around. You can go over it, like with a catapult (which is how some drug dealers are bringing their products into the U.S.). You can also go under it, El Chapo style, or go around it, as patrolling not only the land around the border but the oceans and rivers at all times is about damn near impossible.

So instead of the process we have now — which is just kind of fill out a bunch of forms and maybe an overworked immigration officer will be able to eventually help you out — maybe we can adopt a new system. Because bureaucracy plus a shitty wall really isn’t the correct formula anymore. But, thanks to Trump, we now have the greatest minds of this generation positing away on message boards around the Internet coming up with solutions to the problem as we speak.

At least these conversations are on the table now?