It's a tale as old as time: You're working late on a Friday and have to be to the pre-game in less than an hour. You run home, jump in the shower to cleanse the greasy corporate off and immediately go to town trimming the unsightly mess that's been growing for the past 3 weeks. Then time suddenly stops, your world goes black. It's at this moment, the sudden realization of having gouged your silent area with a razor becomes crystal clear. You're bleeding, profusely. Death seems like the only viable option here.
It sucks, but isn't anything particularly unique. According to new data published by the journal JAMA Dermatology, more than 1 out of every 4 people who groom themselves "down there" report they've injured themselves while doing so. The most common injuries are cuts (61 percent), followed by burns (23 percent) and rashes (12 percent).
"In our survey, more than 70 percent of respondents reported a history of grooming, with 66.5 percent of men and 85.3 percent of women reporting a history of ever removing their pubic hair," writes the study's authors. "An injury was reported by 25.6 percent of all groomers."
Out of those reporting bodily mutilation by the stroke of their own delicate hand, almost 1 in 9 report the injury developed some sort of infection. Of the respondents, close to 2 percent sought medical attention.
To come to these ground-breaking conclusions, researchers asked near 8,000 U.S. adults about grooming habits, and had them self-report about past events.
The data concludes, unsurprisingly, that a person's risk is related to how often he or she landscapes their world of the unknowns. Researchers hope the results can help doctors better identify who is more at risk for grooming injuries — you know, outside of the whole "grabbing all the headlines" stuff that tends to follow these reports.
Moral of the story: If your boss asks you to stay late on Friday nights, tell them to piss-off and that it's a matter of safety you be let out on time. If they ask why, tell them, then report their ass for sexual harassment come Monday.