600 Pounds of Marijuana Taken From Colorado State Patrol Evidence Lockup.

Colorado State Patrol (CSP) lost 600 pounds of marijuana last month after it was stolen from an evidence lockup in Arapahoe County, and honestly, we’re pretty giddy about it. CSP thinks the heist occurred around the beginning of April, but they didn’t notice that someone had taken more than a quarter ton of marijuana until at least a week later. CSP explained that, prior to the weed being stolen by the bud bandits, the marijuana was recovered during a highway investigation and was scheduled for disposal, which we certainly understand. We actually disposed of a few joints just now before we sat down to write this article.

While we’re pretty sure stealing is still a crime, we can’t help but root for the cannabis crooks, the chronic criminals, the blunt burglars (also reefer robbers and pot pirates). If we had a pound for every time the police took our weed growing up, we’re sure we’d probably be even by now.

Drunk Snowboarder Extracted By Ropes and Ski Patrol.

A drunken snowboarder had to be extracted by Keystone’s Ski Patrol team using a rope system after he got too fuckered up to safely make it down the mountain. The Summit County Sheriff’s Office was called after the man was discovered down a steep embankment, too inebriated to assist in his own rescue or make his way back to the base area. According to an article by OutThere Colorado, the man passed out mid rescue, but let’s be honest, who hasn’t drunkenly fallen asleep during their own extrication on mountainous terrain after coming up to elevation and imbibing on two or twenty beers? The man was taken to a hospital where it was discovered he had a blood alcohol level of 0.2, and while it’s possibly worth pointing out that this is three times the legal limit for driving a car, it’s also worth pointing out that the man wasn’t piloting an automobile. Drunk driving a car? More like drunk shredding the gnar, are we right? We feel for this guy, too. The combination of alcohol and elevation has snuck up on everyone at least once. However, to be fair, the last time we drank four or five beers on a chair lift, we nearly landed a Tamedog.