I’d always assumed that Americans were into some seriously kinky shit. If I could just peek into the darkest corners of their perverted minds, I knew I’d find some truly twisted sexual desires.
However, the largest-ever research project on Americans’ sexual fantasies reveals they're shockingly vanilla. No dreams of swaying wildly toward someone’s genitals from a swing, no screwing strangers in a dark dungeon, and no getting hog-tied and fucked on the train tracks. Nay, Americans simply have humble aspirations to “spice things up” with their loved ones.
New research finds that our sexual fantasies are romantic, rather than filthy. We crave emotional fulfillment, rather than sheer sexual gratification. We’re loyal to our partners, rather than yearning for millions of other potential pieces of ass.
The author of a massive new study, Dr. Justin Lehmiller, is the first sex researcher to focus exclusively on sexual fantasies in the U.S. He literally wrote the book on it ("Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life"). In the past, scientists have only cared to study people’s sexual behaviors — who, what, where, when, why and how people actually have sex. Lehmiller wanted to know how people think about sex when they’re all alone.
Shockingly, the type of porn we watch is not a reliable reflection of our sexual fantasies. And it’s a relief, really, to know that people don’t truly want to recreate the freaky sex performances they jerk off to. Masturbators have been proven to search for some pretty deplorable content, including racist porn, incest porn, rape porn, cake fart porn and Christian porn.
Instead, Americans fantasize about their ol’ ball and chain. According to the study, 9 out of 10 Americans reported they had fantasized about their current partner, and over half said they did so often. Only 7 percent of people said they fantasized about famous people like celebrities, porn stars or politicians. Apparently, it’s more abnormal than I thought to fap to the political speeches of Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau.
Not only do our sexual imaginations hardly stray from our significant others, but they also barely deviate from our boring sex routines. The study found that fantasies of trying a new sex act or engaging in a favorite one were much more popular than fantasies of “taboo and forbidden sex.” In other words, Americans would rather daydream about “anniversary anal” with their spouse than about being bound and whipped as the personal sex slave of the devastatingly handsome Swedish royal family.
Ultimately, both women and men shared fantasies focused on romantic or emotional fulfillment. It seems safe to assume that many horny people (primarily men) would fantasize fucking an unfamiliar partner and then disposing of them like a crusty cum rag. But the vast majority of people focused on having their emotional needs met — feeling appreciated, receiving approval, feeling desired, feeling irresistible, feeling reassured, feeling sexually competent, and emotionally connecting with a partner. More than 70 percent of both men and women said they rarely or never fantasized about emotionless sex.
These findings fly in the face of everything I’ve come to learn about people’s sexual desires. Years of reporting on freaky fetishes and even freakier porn had led me to believe that everyone was hiding some dark sexual demon or latent desire to wear a saddle and a ponytail butt plug and have a stranger ride them like a horsie.
The truth seems to be much more wholesome — that Americans’ sexual fantasies are made up of a pure desire to connect on a deeper level with the one they love.