Poor, poor hot people, they get no love …
Not so long ago, the concept of "Dad Bod" became an unstoppable viral sensation as the Internet clamored to milk the meme for all it was worth, overjoyed at the surprising discovery that completely average-looking men were being fetishized.
But now, as a study by Chapman University reveals, not only are those Dad Bods being fantasized about … they're also getting a hell of a lot of action. Way more action than taller, more muscular body types, actually.
In the study, over 60,000 straight men and women between the ages of 30 and 44, were asked how many sex partners they'd had. On average, the median for both numbers was a very depressing eight, with most people reporting more than five. Only a few people were prolific in the bedroom notches department; just 29 percent of men and 23 percent of women reported more than 14 partners. These (kinda lame) numbers were then compared to information to the subjects’ heights and BMI in an effort to see whether sluthood was correlated with body type.
This is where things got interesting.
According to the results, it wasn't the people with the most conventionally "attractive" bodies that were getting the most action. Instead, it was short-ish, squat men and slightly overweight women who had way more sex partners than any of the cut, thin Abercrombie model-types in the study did.
Normal and overweight men and women reported the most partners, while their underweight counterparts reported fewer. And while the study results revealed that height played a major role in the amount of sex partners men had, taller men only had an average of one more sexual partners than short men, proving that all you need to be as a dude is taller than the woman you're after and you're golden. Women's height played no role in their own sexcapades.
The researchers guessed this surprising discovery could be because of any number of factors, but the most likely was that super thin people seem to have more body issues than average or slightly overweight people, and may be less likely to want to show theirs. Well shit … we'd be sad too if we couldn't eat like 14 tacos a day.
This is fucking fantastic news for men who, for the longest time, have been crippled by the presumption that women want tall, muscular dudes. It's also equally joy-cry worthy for dieting women, who have been eating fucking pumpkin seed kale morsels for weeks trying slim down so Brad or whatever his face is will think they're hot. Take a big bite of that double cheeseburger, Mandy, because Brad likes 'em thick.
But, if you happened to be Adonis-shaped or bear a strange resemblance to Barbie, never fear. We're sure people will still have sex with you! Maybe!
In the end, it turns out people aren’t nearly as picky as we think they are when it comes to what their partners look like, so go ahead and order that creamy fettucini pizza bread bowl. Chances are, it might get you laid.