Scientists finally determine which country's women have the largest breasts …

There are many pressing questions scientists struggle to answer: how do tropical storms influence global warming? What do CRISPR experiments mean for humanity? Are nutrition labels out of date?

And then there are pressing questions that aren’t really pressing and are just a waste of time, money and brain cells.

Case and point, a new study conducted in the name of science recently set out to discover which country’s women have the largest breast sizes. Finally! There is a God.

Published in the Journal of Female Health Sciences, the study tackled the daunting task of breaking down countries from the bustiest to the most flat-chested, analyzing the mean volume and cup size of each nation. Of course, excluding women who had surgery, were pregnant or were breastfeeding. We can only imagine the feminists turning over in their graves at this study.

Measuring the breasts of more than 400,000 women — that’s a lot of data — in 108 countries, scientists discovered that cars and waistlines weren’t the only large assets in America, as the breasts of women in the U.S. were discovered to be the largest in the world. America!  

After all of the oogling and ogling, scientists found that the largest breasts resided in the plush landscapes of North America and Europe, while the flat-chested tended to reside in Africa and Asia.

Caucasian women in America came in at number one averaging a D cup while Canada and Non-Caucasian women in America came in second and third respectively with an average size of C cups. 

But that’s not all! Scientists further found that women with small or medium breast sizes tended to exaggerate their cup size and wear inappropriate bra sizes. For the record, breast sizes are like penis sizes — it’s personal preference. So find a man (or woman) who either appreciates you for being you or who has really small hands.

In the end, scientists accomplished what they set out to do, discover which country’s females have the largest breasts and in the process, they inspired us to leave our underpaid writing gig we’re currently slaving away at in order to pursue a new career as research scientists.