One time a few years ago when I didn’t have any morals, I was flirting with this guy who was married. I was ten years younger than him, and his wife was ten years older than him. He co-owned a wine shop with his wife and one evening when only he was working at one of the shop’s tastings, he asked me to stay later so I could “experience” a bottle of wine with him. I was with a girl friend, so I had to stay around at the tasting and make up some excuse why I wasn’t leaving with her (his excessive pouring for her helped a bit in her acceptance of the fact). Everyone left except for me and him, and he opened some thousand-dollar bottle from the 1970s, a Pinot Noir from Burgundy. I’d never tasted a seriously good wine before, so it was pretty amazing. We talked about art and wine and pompous things for a good two hours, and he let me experience the wine as it breathed, which was pretty mind-blowing. Of course when we’d finished the bottle he asked if I wanted to go see the “cellar” in the back. We went back there, practically fell into each other and started making out. We were about to go further when we heard the door open—even though he had locked it. His wife had come in to get a bottle of wine for them for the night! I had to stay in the freezing cold cellar where it was too dark to find my clothes for 20 minutes. When she finally left, needless to say I was no longer in the mood—and never got back in it.

A year later when I had moved away and actually had morals, I thought about telling his wife, but since it’d been so long, I decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Then one day he started chatting me online and mentioned that he and his wife were about to have a baby. I gave him an awkward congratulations and was about to get offline, when he started flirting with me, saying he’d love to see me again and finish what we’d started. Disgusted, I told him he was a dickhead, then sent his wife an anonymous message telling her she had a cheating asshole for a husband. I never heard from him again. I’m pretty sure the wine shop is closed now.