Is he also going to ban boobs and just women in general too?
While our nation self-implodes under the weight of debt, shaky foreign affairs, human rights violations and war, one Montana state representative has a plan to address the societal wrongdoing that really matters: yoga pants.
As such, Montana Republican David Moore has devised a diabolical plan to lead America out of the darkness by zeroing in on the polyester predators on account of the numerous constitutional and moral rights they violate. Being too comfortable is definitely one of them, and accentuating that camel toe of yours is for sure another.
Moore, who got in a tizzy after a group of naked bicyclists pedaled through Missoula last year, decided that what his state really needs right now is tighter regulations on taint-touching trousers. His proposed bill, HB 365, would outlaw not just nudity in Montana, but also "any device, costume, or covering that gives the appearance of or simulates the genitals, pubic hair, anus region, or pubic hair region." Given their propensity to outline and highlight the anatomy of their wearer, tight-fitting yoga pants could certainly be considered indecent exposure under his proposal.
"Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway," Moore said after the hearing. Illegally sexy.
Yeah … um, what were you saying?
Moore also said he wouldn’t have a problem with people being arrested for wearing provocative clothing, but that he'd trust law enforcement officials to use their discretion. He couldn’t be sure whether police would act on that provision or if Montana residents would challenge it.
"I don't have a crystal ball," Moore said. That's right. You don't. You have two. We can see them through your yoga pants.
According to the Great Falls Tribune, Moore has also said he believes Speedos should be illegal. That's true; nothing that aerodynamic should be street-legal.
HB 365 is just one of the many puritanical legislative measures passed in Montana recently. Just last December, the Republican-controlled legislature issued new dress-code guidelines for the state capitol, advising women that they "should be sensitive to skirt lengths and necklines."
Okay look, Montana … Legislature that gets passed on "provocative" women's clothing does nothing but highlight the fact that your WASP-y old state government is too distracted by the female form to pass actual laws. It's not women who's bodies need to be regulated, it's these men who do. Regulate your eyes, grandpas! They just want to exert control over menial things like yoga pants and clothing that "resembles anuses" because they live in Montana and nothing happens there for them to control. It's legislature like this that basically advertises to the entire country that Montana is run by perverts who are unable to concentrate on things that matter in the face of boobs and visible butts.
Meanwhile, in Colorado … We have two cities that ranked in the Top 10 places to find girls in yoga pants, as decided by FindTheBest. So, all you yoga pants-wearing ladies are more than welcome to come down her and plank on our faces.