Congratulations on your marriage to either Eric or Barron, hopefully the former.
Here's the full question … it was too long for the headline:
My long-term boyfriend and his dad are very close, which is something I like. However, his dad is a staunch Republican that attacks my liberal-ass every time we are in the same room. He will go out of his way to either disrespect my job or the way I live my liberal-ass life. My boyfriend recently proposed, but I'm not sure I want his dad in my life for uh, the rest of my life. Any advice is helpful.
Wait, you're marrying Eric Trump?
I think the first thing I'm curious about is this: your boyfriend recently proposed, but you're having second thoughts about marrying him because his dad's a suck lord?
I'm curious as to what your relationship with your boyfriend is like, and what your boyfriend thinks about all this. It sounds like the situation is dire enough that you're actually questioning your engagement … but it also seems like if you were 100 percent on your boyfriend, his dad's dumbassery wouldn't be enough to end your relationship.
Are you maybe using his dad as an excuse because you're a.) scared of the commitment of marriage, or b.) not really down with the idea of marrying your boyfriend?
Tons of people have shitty parents, many much worse than your boyfriend's dad, but they still fall in love and get married. After all, if a parent is that big of a problem, it's not that hard to keep them away from you. It's not an easy situation, but there's no reason you should have to weather that political abuse bullshit.
Secondly, while it's not your boyfriend's fault his dad is a mega-twat, it is entirely his responsibility to intervene. I don't care if they're close; if your boyfriend is a better guy than Mitt Romney over here, he should be standing up for you. He should absolutely be able to tell his dad to piss off if he's making you uncomfortable.
I think that, more than his dad's actions, speaks to whether or not you should marry him. He's your future husband; it's his reaction to his dad, not his dad's batshit antics that really matters.
Now. Let's consider you do go through with the marriage thing.
Dearest Father of the Year will not be a stranger anymore He will be your father in-law.
Unless you cut him off from your life, he's going to be a permanent fixture and you're going to have to learn to deal with him.
Thus, you should be able to confront him as you would any other family member. Using your mouth-hole, say to him, "Person-Guy, I don't appreciate being talked to like this. I respect what you stand for and your beliefs, and I need you to respect mine. I'd appreciate if we could keep politics off the table from now on, because honestly, it makes me uncomfortable to talk about it with you."
Straight-up tell him he's picking on you. Ask him why. Continue to do this until he either sees he's being a bully or that he's making you upset.
Feel free to challenge him, respectfully. Be forward and stand up for yourself. If he can't respect you for your "liberal-ass lifestyle," he should respect you for that.
A second option is to just ignore him. Most people who spew political vitriol at people who think differently from them are fucking stupid anyway, and you and I both know his opinions don't matter. Anything he says to you is a product of his own ignorance and misinformation, and you only have to let that hurt or offend you so much. You can decide whether or not to take offense. You have the option of not taking him seriously; not giving him the satisfaction of pissing you off or insulting the way you live your life. That's what he's trying to do; get a rise out of you.
That said, I'd with option #1 first: honest, respectful confrontation. Resort to ignoring him if it doesn't work.
Neither of those working for you?
Try a delicious bowl of excommunication.
If his dad can't get his shit together to treat you like a human being, then he doesn't get to see you. You don't have to go to dinners or events with him. You don't have to visit him with your boyfriend. You don't have to say hi on the phone. You can extricate yourself from your father in-law's life at any time, if need be. If your boyfriend is marriage-grade, he should be fine with that.
The bottom line is that you can't change his dad's beliefs, but you can change how you interact with him: confront, ignore, or cut him off.