By far, the “smoothness” of any threesome depends most on the chemistry between the people in it. That has a lot to do with people’s outer presentations of themselves and their personalities, but also with the inherent connection people either have or don’t have. You can have a threesome for the novelty and adventurousness of it — but unless everyone’s on the same level, it’s just a lot of prodding and like, "Uh, what? What? Where does this go?"

Before you do anything else, find the right people and make sure you’re all acquainted. Start a group text or chat and see if you all vibe well together and get each other’s jokes. Chances are if someone sucks over text, you won’t have chemistry in real life. Be very up front about what you want and what you’re into/not into; this’ll help you suss out if you’re doing this with the right people. You can obviously still do it with the wrong people, but we're talking about silky smooth threesomes here, not disjointed vats of discomfort and disdain.

Before you meet up, watch some threesome porn so you can get an idea of the different configurations people get into when there’s three of them. I'm not telling you you have to like it or be into threesome porn; this is purely a prophylactic against awkwardness. The options of human genital-to-orifice pairings are pretty infinite, but if you know what you’re going for before the slurping starts, it’s a lot easier to transition during the action.

Once you do meet up, if you hit it off, things will start to happen naturally (which is where the being up front about what you want part comes in … it’s like an icebreaker or a guide). Be as safe as possible so people can stay in the mood. If you’re having an MFF threesome, make sure the guy switches condoms or cleans his cock off as much as he can between fucking chicks. If it’s MMF, condoms all around if anyone’s worried about STDs or the zit-butted, oversensitive teen that could materialize 15 years in the future.

To stave off jealousy, the best bet is to not be dating anyone in the threesome. That way, when you lock eyes with your partner of five years over some girl's butt cheeks, you don't have a sudden urge to put everything they own in a wood-chipper. But, if that's not possible and you're doing this with your partner, definitely talk about it beforehand and decided how comfortable you are witnessing each other do such and such sex moves. It may be that you're cool with the threesome as long as they don't have sex with the unicorn, or that you're not allowed to look lovingly into anyone's eyes but theirs, or that you're only cool with this as long as they call the third person "Colonel Danger Dick." IDK, guys, I don't know your lives.

The awesome part about threesomes is the tend to last for a while, so everyone can kind of experiment with getting what they want. Everyone takes a turn getting overpowered, everyone gets to be part of the pair that’s doing the overpowering, and then there’s like 50 shades of grey in between (fuck that book, though). So, to make it go smoothly, just go into it with the intention that you’ll be serving multiple purposes, as well as fulfilling your own fantasies. Keep that in mind when deciding who to finger and who’s face to sit on.

And now … for your ultimate benefit ….

Three places to look for a threesome
3nder: The Tinder of threesome apps, this little iPhone program is basically threesomes on demand for horny sluts like you.
Burning Man: Everyone is too sunburnt to be affected by petty things like jealousy or standards.
WalMart: There’s nothing more sexually ambiguous than a redneck buying diapers, a lawnmower and cigarettes at the same time. Have nothing, have nothing to lose amiright?