Mmm, no it's not fair at all. But fairness is overrrated, much like Game of Thrones and Water World.

Mmm no, not really! It's kinda not.

"Fair" would be if you were both equally into opposite sex threesomes and went into it with the exact same amount of enthusiasm and desire. But unfortunately, that kind of idealistic non-reality really only exists in post-orthodontic surgery anesthesia hazes.

It would be so legendary if your boyfriend was as capable of setting aside his own insecurities to fulfill your needs as you were for his, but in the real world, things are rarely that equal. Especially when threesomes and the notion of fucking other people are involved. I sound like every bitter Korean war vet with one-leg and insufficient monthly government assistance right now, but really; there are too many variables that go into making something fair to expect that both you and your boyfriend could attain such an extraterrestrial level of compromise.

Generally, when it comes to relationships and the fulfillment of sexual needs, you don't always do something because it's fair, per se. You do something because you want to.

Sex isn't a commercial exchange. Compromise is important, but you don't do something for someone because you expect an equal gesture in return. And if you do, that's a weird, weird way to live. If you held the door open for someone, would you them expect them to then do something for you? Send you a handmade finger painting thank you card? Show up with an Edible Arrangement on your doorstep? Write a humble, yet meaningful poem about you then have it laser-etched into their gravestone once they die?

Nah, fuck that. If they do, then that's great, but sometimes you just do something for someone because you love them and it makes them happy.

My aunt and uncle have been married for 40-something years and they're crazy about each other. They literally can't wait until the other comes home, and when they do, it's like they haven't seen each other in weeks. Holy shit, it's so fucking cute I'm getting sick just thinking about it.

The secret to this nauseating perma-romance, they told me, is to give 90 percent and expect 10, something that proves that giving without an expectation of a fair return can be intensely awesome.

There's even a word for this called "compersion." It describes the feeling of empathetic joy at someone else's happiness.

Let's apply this to your little world.

If you "give" your boyfriend an FFM threesome, but don't get an MMF fuck fest in return … can you picture yourself feeling compersion? What would be so terrible about having that FFM threesome, enjoying the giving, and then getting on with your life? Or, would you resent him and feel like you're owed something if he doesn't hit you back with the same gracious sex gift?

If you're imagining the latter, I'd recommend not threesome-ing at all.

Sometimes, in relationships or otherwise, it's cool to help someone live out their fantasy, even if that fantasy doesn't do shit for you. As long as you're comfortable with it, and aren't harming yourself or any one else physically or emotionally by whatever the fantasy is, it really doesn't hurt you to just suck it up and go through with it.

After all, chances are that if it's so much of a "fantasy" that you partner's never done it before or has only done it a few times, it won't become a normal part of your sex life that you'll have to deal with. It's probably going to be a once-in-a-blue-moon deal, so why the fuck not?

This doesn't mean that your own needs aren't important. They are mega, mega important and your desires should absolutely be voiced and fulfilled. But what I'm saying is that you can't look at desire as an exchange. And those desires always should take place within the realm of what your partner is comfortable with. Your boyfriend is clearly not comfortable with a MMF dealy-bob.

You can try to explain this all to your boyfriend in regards to your uneven stance on threesomes.

But, don't do so with the expectation that he'll come around. Because regardless of whether or not your boyfriend's MMF feelings are "fair" or not, you can't expect him to be into doing something he's just … not into doing.

Think about it: what if he did go through with the MMF hookup, and hated every minute of it? Would you still want him to do it? You would if you were a kraken-esque succubus, but I doubt you are.

So, instead of wondering whether or not that's fair, find out the root of why he's uncomfortable with an MMF situation.

It could be because he holds some very mistaken belief that he'll have to interact sexually with the other male involved. It could be that he's insecure about seeing you with another guy. It could be that he's secretly into guys himself and the overwhelming eroticism of being around one in that close of quarters could out him to you. It even could be that he subscribes to the very dumb, yet very prevalent "madonna-whore complex" thing, which sets a double standard for women to be simultaneously chaste and salacious at once. In this case, that would mean that he'd expect you to have a threesome with a female because it's hot for him, but not with another male because two men at once is "slutty" to some people.

Who knows? I don't. Find out.

Getting to the bottom of where his discomfort comes from may help you analyze the whole "fair vs. unfair" thing in a different light.

But don't worry if even after you've psychoanalyzed him he still won't do it … You might be able to leverage that for your advantage. Maybe there's something else that you're dying to try that doesn't involve other men? If there is, this is the perfect situation to discuss that in. You could truly be one step closer to fulfilling your fantasy of being pelted with overripe peaches while making expensive collect calls to Europe on your iPhone.