Is the sky blue? Have I not changed my Dear Ibby profile picture in this magazine since 2009? Are you hungry right now? The answer to everything is yes. That’s very weird, but wrong? Meh. Here’s a little conversation I had with the Internet when trying to research what the fuck you’re talking about. Me: “WTF is this?” Google: “People wear collars as a symbol of submission, or to show ownership of one person by another. Collars also play a role in humiliation, as they convey a pet-like status.” Thanks Google, that was enlightening. It sounds like you’re into submission. And that’s not weird at all. Submission is hot because having no control over what happens to you is raw, primitive, honest, and vulnerable. Most girls love to be in a submissive role because it makes them feel wanted or irresistible.The barking part is super weird, but it just reinforces the vulnerability thing. So, find yourself someone who identifies as dominant, or someone who’s idea of a good time is snacking on some puppy chow and calling it a night And you know what? Normal sex can be boring. If you’ve had too much of it, it becomes routine and chore-like because there’s nothing exciting or unexpected going on. A lot of the fun of sex is spontaneity, and when that’s gone, then people start getting bored of it. So if you’ve gotten to that point where vanilla sex isn’t cutting it, and you know what sexually deviant thing will get you off, then shit, do it. I want you to get off as much as you do, and I think that if you want to act like a freak on a leash in bed, then that’s fine and dandy. The hard part is probably finding someone who’s willing to explore that with you. It’s probably something that most people are unfamiliar with or haven’t tried, and they’ll therefore be a little intimidated by it. But that doesn’t mean they’re wrong, or you’re wrong for wanting it. You just have to find someone who’s equally as adventurous as you. And I feel like the only way to do that is to be pretty up-front about it. Because here’s the thing: If you try to skirt the subject and don’t really ask for what you want, you’re not going to get the peculiar brand of pleasure you crave. No one is going to intuit that you want to be a dawgy dogg during sex, ever. Do you need a rabies shot?