God forbid he has sex with someone else because your crazy ass is implanting chips in his thing …
Worried your man might be cheating? Want to catch him in the act?
Just put a microchip in his dick, duh!
Introducing Commit-Tech, the dubiously real product designed to stop cheaters in their semen-soaked tracks.
It's a little baby microchip you have him implant in his wang-tip. He should be pretty enthusiastic about it, or at least he should be if he truly loves you.
Not so fast, human female; you've gotta put one in your vulva too.
Then, connect the chips wirelessly to the Commit-Tech app on your e-phone and voila — you've just been granted 24/7 VIP access to his dong and its daily activities.
If, at any point, he trips and falls dick-first into a vagine that does not have a corresponding chip inside of it, you'll get an automatic notification on your phone instantly that says something like "JAKE'S DIPPIN' HIS NOODLE RIGHT NOW AAAAHH IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU PUT A CHIP IN HIS PENIS."
Same goes for Jake; if you happen to insert Harry, Barry, Larry, Gary, Terry, Jerry or Shepard Fairey into your pussy and the chips don't match, Jake will be promptly notified and you two can have a long and meaningful discussion about how you're both completely insane for tracking each other's genitals with micro-technology.
There's a 50/50 chance this story is fake, but we can't find much evidence for it being not real, so for now, we're just going to fire up the old microchip and watch Jake's dick dingle dongle around town all the live long day. And if he so much breathes near another female, he's dead.
Ah, young love.