New York's premiere child-partying company, Fuzipop, is providing the nation's pre-pubes with an outlet to carry out their wildest club fantasies: insane parties that you can only attend if you still have baby teeth. That's right, if you want to party with these kids, you have to be under 12.

New York's premiere child-partying company, Fuzipop, is providing the nation's pre-pubes with an outlet to carry out their wildest club fantasies: insane parties that you can only attend if you still have baby teeth.

That's right, if you want to party with these kids, you must be this high to ride this ride:

The group puts on wild, hedonistic kid raves at various clubs around NYC. Their goal, says their website, is to "inspire the next generation of DJs, music producers, artists, dancers and music business moguls. Growing up in New York City is a unique one-of-a-kind experience and city kids deserve an event of the same stature.” … Okay then!

Held once a month for children ages 6-12 and their parents, the parties last about three, agonizing hours. Professional dancers help keep kids entertained while they get down with glow sticks and guzzle juice boxes. Call it life-training. When their college freshman class holds their annual Meat Market rave in 2024, they'll be good and prepared to turn it up in da club with the best of them.

One reporter recently attended one such party at the West Village’s Pink Elephant on a Sunday afternoon. What she saw, she can never unsee:

Inside, parents lined up the full cash bar as their kids leaped around the dance floor shouting out the words to "What Does the Fox Say." The tables usually reserved for VIPs ordering pricey bottle service were littered with champagne glasses and juice boxes."

If that's not a blaring argument for contraception, we don't know what is.

Beats for the parties are provided by a nine-year old. Let that sink in.

But as much as we'd like to say that New York's child-clubbing scene is "No parents, no rulez," it actually seems to be as much about the parents as it is about the kids. One mother at the April Fuzipop event told CNN Money that Fuzipop lets parents "live vicariously through our kids, and we can all blow off steam together." The bartender who worked the event the reporter described above, was "surprised by how much the parents were imbibing." That night, he said, the most popular drink was vodka.

Here's a video of a Fuzipop event. Condom, anyone?