Oral sex is a two-person activity, so why are 104% of discussions about how to give it? There's a whole other person in the mix that's rarely talked about in the so-called literature, and that's why today, we're focusing on the receiver. There's a lot more to getting head than just lying there like a happy sandbag while someone puts your genitals in their esophagus. With a few tips and tweaks of technique, you can make getting it more pleasurable for both of you. And here to tell you how to do that, is comedian Bread Foster. He wants us to tell you he's also an expert in getting head, but we're still looking up those credentials

Congratulations, head enthusiast; you're about to experience Head Games, a weekly column where we discuss oral sex with people from all walks of life. Whether we're covering how to connect your mouth to someone's genitals in the most pleasing way possible, or how different cultures and species blow each other, it'll be covered here, in this fellatio-friendly corner of the internet. Welcome aboard.

Oral sex is a two-person activity, so why are 104% of discussions about how to give it? There's a whole other person in the mix that's rarely talked about in the so-called literature, and that's why today, we're focusing on the receiver.

In fact, there's a lot more to getting head than just lying there like a happy sandbag while someone puts your genitals in their esophagus. With a few tips and tweaks of technique, you can make getting it more pleasurable for both of you.

And here to tell you how to do that, is comedian Bread Foster (applause.) He wants us to tell you he's also an expert in getting head, but we're still looking up those credentials. The guy does stand-up in New York, has a Twitter you're probably already following him on  just signed a book deal, and has been writing for us for a few weeks, so if that doesn't validate his funniness, then, fuck.

And, since Bread has no known vagina, we'll be focusing on how to get head from a man's point of view today. But don't worry, women of Rooster, next week we'll go into how to make getting head even more awesome for you.

Okay, ready? Here's Bread's advice for taking it.

1. If she doesn't make a noise like you're punching a bucket of cottage cheese, just stop right there. She's not into it. The more bizarre the sounds, the more you can tell she wants to be doing this. You want her to want to do this.

2. Find out what she's into. If she's into being dominated, stand up so she's on her knees looking up at you. If she's into controlling you, lay down and let her be on top. If you're a male feminist, 69 so everyone is equal.

3. If you want her to put her mouth on it; wash it. Have you ever put your mouth on a warm pee hose? No? You should if you wanna know what an unwashed cock tastes like.

4. Don't push her head down unless she's into that. Just because it's deeper doesn't mean its better for either of you. You're not trying to find out what she ate for breakfast … actually you are. If you do it right … she ate breakfast sausage.

5. Just because she's doing stuff to you doesn't mean you can't do stuff back. She has an entire upper body (unless she's been in a terrible accident.) Touch her hair, her neck, her back, and boobs. Boobs. Back. Boobs. Hair. Boobs. Boobs. Neck. Don't be lazy, you're about to take a nap anyway.

6. Talk about your feelings afterwards. Girls love feels. Girls will give you head again if you have feels.

7. Don't be afraid of a stinky pinky … It's only gay if you hold eye contact.

8. Shave everything … unless you shave your pubic hair into an arrow that points to your dick to show her how you feel. Reciprocate. No one wants to stick a hairy chestnut in their tonsils. Unshaven, it looks like an exact replica of a brain without a skull.

9. Don't worry about coming too quick, you want it to be over for her as quick as possible … unless it's foreplay head and you're trying to fuck after. In that case,  think about what CeeLo Green's smelly button smells like.

10. Make a sound. You know how you get insecure like your dick is the size of a Lil' Smoky when she just lies there? It's the same thing. Show her you're into it by using your mouth to moan … or saying "Stop fucking nibbling on my shaft … I'm going to bed."

Okay! Well! Thanks Bread. Follow him on Twitter guys n' gals, and look forward to his upcoming pieces on the Rooster.