"Well I have a two inch penis so I usually feel like Rocky fighting Apollo Creed. Mouth works great, though."

Congratulations, head enthusiast; you're about to experience Head Games, a regular-ish column from Rooster sex reporter Dear Ibby where we discuss oral sex with people from all walks of life. Whether we're covering how to connect your mouth to someone's genitals in the most pleasing way possible, or how different cultures and species blow each other, it'll be covered here, in this fellatio-friendly corner of the internet. Welcome aboard.

There are two types of people this world: people who love giving head, and people who feel "lkdalkfjadsklf" about it.

Both species are fascinating in their own way, but this week, I talked to the former group about what they like so much about having a person's dangly flesh mashed repeatedly into their faces with spit. All in the name of human understanding … or just really interesting texts with my friends.

Let's start with Dick Suckers Anonymous:

Why do you like giving head to men?

"The big, dumb smile dudes get afterwards." – Melissa, 24

"I really like the feeling of having my holes filled up, and my mouth is a hole, so … " – Anna, 30

"My boyfriend is uncut and I love the feeling of his foreskin sliding up and down in my mouth. I guess you could say it's a texture thing?" – Brittany, 25

"I just really like making men feel good. Giving head turns me on because I know it's turning them on." – Liz, 25

"It makes me feel like I'm in control. I like the power from being the one giving pleasure." – Sam, 28

"It's vaguely degrading to me, which turns me on in a weird way I can't really explain … " – Rachel, 29

"I actually love giving head. It makes me really wet. Sometimes I actually crave the feeling of cock in my mouth. Most of the time, I do it more for me than I do for the guy." – Blair, 27

"I like giving men what I know they want. It makes me feel sexy and in tune with them that I can give them something they crave." – Megan, 31

"I like how it tastes!" – April, 20

"I enjoy it a lot, more so than receiving oral. Its a huge turn on and I can orgasm while doing it. I love pleasuring someone else, taking my time, learning all their little buttons. And the submissive side of me really likes being on my knees." – Farah, 22

"I love the appreciative noises. So important. My last ex was so quiet and it made it hard to feel encouraged and I had no idea how close he was. My current guy moans and says little things to cue me into how he's doing." – Natalie, 24

"Well, I have a dick so I feel like I know the right way to do it. That capability turns me on." – Ted, 26

Why do you like giving head to women?

"There are few things sexier than looking up and seeing the sexy silhouette of a woman that's moaning and enjoying what you're giving them." – Brad, 24

"I love the taste. It's not supposed to taste like roses or candy or anything other than pussy. It's just pussy. It's good." – Mark, 23

"I love it. I really get into it. It's awesome to hear her trying to suppress her moans, her pulling my hair, going at it until she's dripping wet. And if you can get them to orgasm, they're whole body tightens up and releases. It's probably my favorite thing to do sexually. Plus when we get to actual intercourse she's already super wet and I just slide right in." – Cameron, 27

"I like that I can make her squirm with just my mouth. There's something about it being such a simple idea but something that takes actual skill." – Trevor, 25

"It's just hot when a girl is experiencing pleasure, and I'm down to do whatever I can to make that happen." – David, 29

"I feel like a lot of guys don't understand what it takes to help a woman orgasm. I like going down on women because I've talked to so many of them who express such a strong desire to get eaten out, and so many say it's the only way they can get off. So I like being in tune with that." – Zayn, 26

"I love how vaginas look, and having one right in my face does not suck." – Seth, 28

"It just makes you feel like the fuckin' man. And it pays off. I always notice she's down to do more stuff after I spend some time down there." – Will, 25

"I-fucking-love-it! I love the descent. I love the landing. I love watching my gf as her eyes roll and she disembarks from reality." – Richie, 23

"What's not to like about it? You get to lick the area you fantasized about growing up. ALL of a woman is sexy so put it all in your mouth damnit!" – Rob, 30

"I just think the vagina is so beautiful and erotic … I feel like cunnilingus is a sign of respect for it almost." – Zoe, 24

"I think it's easier for me to stimulate her clit with my tongue because I can feel it better than with my finger. It really works … " Gabe, 22

"Well I have a two inch penis so I usually feel like Rocky fighting Apollo Creed. Mouth works great, though." – Anthony, 28

So, what's the takeaway for all this? People love giving head for a variety of reasons, but the two main ones seem to be because it makes their partners feel great or because it does something personally for them. Or both. Not because they "should" or its expected of them somehow, but because they've realized that giving pleasure can sometimes feel as good, or even better, than getting it.

And although there are many double standards lurking around oral sex (women are supposed to suck dick, but many men won't eat pussy), these people prove there are a huge amount of exceptions to those rules. Sex is way too idiosyncratic and personal for mindless double standards to penetrate to every person and I fucking love that.

Clearly, for both genders, oral sex is a way to say you respect someone, find them attractive, and care about their pleasure … only wordlessly because your mouth is stuffed with junk. All these people just prove that a little physical gesture like head can go a long way for either their partner or themselves, and that's some valuable humanitarian information. Head's saving the world, you guys. One slobbery reproductive object at a time.