Not every girl wants you to down on her, but we're treating that as a problem, not a preference.

Eating out has gotten a shitload of media attention lately.

Babes of the screen have been treated to many an orgasm-producing bout of oral, a not-so-subtle reflection of our culture's increasing interest in female pleasure.

As the camera pans stereotypically up from her partner's south-migrating head to her agape facial expression and the music crescendos, the viewer is inevitably filled with the sense that she is LOVINGGG this. To those of us at home, this kind of scene makes said babe look ever so in touch with her sexuality, and their partners look all selfless and talented and shit.

Ever seen Girls? That show is a pussy eating contest. Mad Men? Don Draper eats some vag. Orange Is the New Black? You've gotta eat something other canned peas in jail. Don't even ask me about The L Word.

Often, the cunnilingus portrayed on our Netflix screens is associated with surprise and self-discovery; pure girls tapping into their "inner desires" to unleash wave after wave of never-before-experienced pleasure. Rarely do you see a woman refuse oral, or at least be underwhelmed by its performance. The message this conveys to us is that getting eaten out is the quintessential pleasure experience.

Even in real life, cunnilingus is having a moment as researchers dive into the slippery-when-wet world of female pleasure. This report sums up the increasing popularity of cunnilingus, stating that more people are eating vagina than ever before in recorded human history. This study claims it cures cancer. Another reports that women are more likely to stay faithful in their relationships if their partners give them head.

And, according to our thoroughly scientifically accurate 2016 Sex Survey, 41 percent of women would rather get eaten out than penetrated, and 44 percent of women wished their partners would go down on them more.

In fact, clitoral stimulation via getting eaten out is the primary way many women come from partnered sex.  And if a partner likes doing it, cha-ching, he or she is a true American hero.

Understandably, all these factors give pussy eaters of the world the impression that all women want to be eaten out all the time … and that it'll lead to orgasm. But while that assumption is applause-worthy and very in tune with society's increasing acceptance of female sexuality and comfort with lady anatomy, it's not true for everyone.

Sorry, but some chicks just don't like getting eaten out. Or they do, but they don't come from it. And that's something that's rarely represented in media or science.

Personally, I can't get off from oral sex. I like the feeling, I think it's hot, and I'm appreciative when it happens, but I don't reach anywhere near the pleasure levels my friends do, or that TV chicks do, or that science tells me I should based on a bell curve or blah blah blah.

Most of my friends who I've talked to about this are surprised. Overwhelmingly, they express their own enthusiasm for it, and begin suggesting a myriad of moves I should try, or directives I should give my partners. But that's not it. It's not a problem of technique, or even a problem at all. I just don't think it's that great for me personally.

Other women agree with me, but invariably, when they try to find answers for why they don't like getting head on the internet, people's responses on forums are that their partners are doing something wrong. Even more common is people's advice that they "need to relax more" or "they just need to concentrate." Rarely is it acknowledged that some chicks just simply don't like it. Rarely do people on these forums offer responses like "To each their own." It's mostly just "Breathe, girl!" "Do your kegels!"

For evidence of this, click here, or here, or here. Here's an article called "How to Get Over Your Fear of Getting Eaten Out," and entire blob of words that suggests fear, not ambivalence, is the reason why some women don't like getting head.

It's pretty clear that not only are most women confused as to why they don't like it, but also that they think something's wrong with them.

I say fuck that. Sure, there might absolutely be something wrong, as in she's experienced abuse or is suffering from a physical condition, but it's also equally possible that she just doesn't like it.

We have to stop pathologizing women's pleasure. If a woman can't get off, it may not be that anything's wrong with her or her partner, just that that particular type of touch may not be right for her at that time.

Instead of suggesting solutions to imaginary problems, we should be having open and honest conversations about the needs we have which may lie outside the typical range of most people.

It's exactly the same mysterious phenomenon as guys who don't like getting head, which I've discussed before (there's like three of them, but they exist). They'll get head, as in they'll lie there passively and let it happen and it doesn't suck, but it's not quite the right touch to get them off.

And that's totally fine. It has nothing to do with their partner's ability to give pleasure or their capacity to get it, it's just … not the right touch. However, knowing whether it is or isn't is vital to being a good partner. 

Never assume that the person you're with has the same sexual tastes as the majority of the population. Sex is way too personal and subjective for one move to work equally well across all sexual specimens, and it's both you and your partner's responsibility to relay what your individual needs are to each other, as well as facilitate theirs.

To do this, I would always, always recommend you straight-up ask someone whether they like oral sex. More over, can they come from it? Is there another way, or combination of ways that would feel better than just straight up pussy licking? Tactfully, and in the right context, naturally.

But if using your mouth to form interpretable sound is not your strong point, there are some physical clues too. If she likes it, she'll most likely be squirming and moaning and doing some crazy-looking combination of facial scrunching, bedsheet pulling and hip gyration. If she's whatever about it, then that "Hello darkness, my old friend" song by Simon and Garfunkel will come on and your room will slowly fade to black as you're swallowed by oblivion. That, or she'll just lie kinda still and not make too much noise.

So, if your chick exhibits the latter symptoms of oral sex, consider some of the reasons why she might not want your face in her vagina:

1. She's insecure about how her pussy tastes or looks.

2. She's uncomfortable with how getting eaten out feels. Either it feels bad, it feels like nothing, or the pleasure she feels is too overwhelming for her to relax into it.

3. She just pooped.

4. She hasn't shaved, trimmed, waxed, showered or vajazzled .

5. Your beard stubble is exfoliating her vagina away.

6. She likes it, but just doesn't orgasm like that.

7. She gets UTIs or yeast infections from it (uncommon, but possible if the bacteria in your mouth and her pussy flora hate each other, and very shitty when it does happen).

8. She had a past sexual trauma involving oral sex.

9. She loves it, but just isn't in the mood for it right now.

10. You're terrible at it.

11. Her expectations of women's reactions on TV and in porn don't match reality and she thinks something's wrong with her.

12. She likes to kiss you during sex and doesn't like to taste her pussy on your face.

13. Religious exemption.

14. She's a squirter and doesn't want to drown you.

15. She feels its too personal and intimate an act to do with someone she doesn't care about or trust. 

16. Period.

17. She gets bored or it's too vanilla.

18. She'd rather be giving you head.

19. STI.

20. Some inexplicable reason she can't verbalize to you right now, she just doesn't like it.

Long story short, if she's not into it, try to find out why and if there's anything you can do to improve it … but if there's not, know there's nothing wrong with her. She's just not that into it. That doesn't mean you can't still do it if she's okay with it and you love eating her out, there might just be something else she's craving but she can't tell you because her labia's in your soft palate.