Whether you want the thrill of bumping uglies on the public hotel balcony or the salty, probably infectious, surprise of having sex in the sea, vacations and holidays are the perfect time for humping outside the hallowed confines of your double bed.

But, just where are our favorite vacation fuck spots? There are so many to choose from, after all: the big pool, the littler pool, the pool on the other side of the resort, and our personal favorite, the elevator with the mirrored walls and the steakhouse advertisement above the floor buttons. A recent survey sorted out the answers for us, and uncovered some unique vacation bone zones in the process.

Unsurprisingly, our favorite spot to get dirty is on the clean sheets of the hotel bed. It seems there’s nothing more we’d like to stain with our sex juices than that fresh, white, still-smelling-of-bleach linen.

After the bed, popular sex spots include — inconceivably — the beach, the shower, and the hot tub, presumably so we can wash our filthy, sweaty bodies in the equally filthy, bacilli-laden water surrounding us. Basically, any time you see a piece of water anywhere on vacation, someone has had sex in it.

Fuck. Moving on.

When comparing our future fantasy locations with the most memorable places we’ve already plowed, plenty of people have had extraordinary sex in the beach and in nature. We applaud these brave souls, particularly the ladies, for fucking without fear of getting twigs and sand in their snatch … or shit, maybe they did but they never lived to tell about it.

As it turns out, relationship status is a major indicator of how much holiday hanky-panky you’ll be having. Unfortunately, being single leaves you more likely to never have sex on a week-long vacation than to get dirty on the daily. Those most likely to seal the deal every day are either casually dating or in a committed relationship.

When it comes to Americans who most value vacation quickies, it’s the southern belles who love to bone. Louisiana, Arkansas, and Georgia are our most sexually adventurous states. It seems the only thing they love more than football and barbeque is sex in exotic places.

They say that the longer we enjoy our after-sex snuggles, the closer we feel. On vacation, we have infinitely more time to wrap up in our partner’s arms and be coddled like little naked babies. Maybe that’s why so many couples feel closer after travelling together.

The majority of Americans feel that a vacation’s increased intimacy lasts them a few weeks to a month after coming home. On the other hand, a number of true romantics reported that their newfound emotional love (a product of all that physical love) lasts a lifetime.

Where’s the best vacation destination to get lucky? The vast majority of Americans believe it’s in a tropical paradise. Perhaps seeing our partner half naked in their swimsuit, sopping wet with seawater, and glowing in their sun-kissed skin is enough to kick-start anyone’s sex drive.

We could all benefit from the endless exotic sex opportunities that a vacation has to offer. So heed our advice: take some time off, chug some fruity cocktails, and give your lover the ol’ horizontal hustle. You (and your genitals) can thank us later.

[originally published March 15, 2017]