We live in a hook up culture folks, that means quantity over quality. Think about doing a push up, that was harder than getting laid on Tinder, so if you're having problems let your buddy and The Roosters resident lady slayer (court case pending) give you some simple and easy cheat codes for Tinder.

We live in a hook up culture folks, that means quantity over quality. Think about doing a push up, that was harder than getting laid on Tinder, so if you're having problems let your buddy and The Roosters resident lady slayer (court case pending) give you some simple and easy cheat codes for Tinder.

1. Be interesting, not embarrassing: There are millions of pictures of guys with tigers, girls doing a color run and more selfies than should be legally allowed on Tinder. This is where you need to differentiate yourself. Your first picture should be a conversation piece, not a reason to think you're a serial killer.

Men, avoid being almost naked, its not as funny as you think. Women, men don't want to see the picture of you in a little black dress where your other two friends faces are blocked out. Here are a few of my pictures I'm willing to share with the readers that have worked wonders for me in the past: Hitting a married couple with a stick (pictured), that time I had to run away from the police, me crying holding my leg from hurting myself rock climbing with no gear.

These are all things that are interesting and funny and will make a girl or guy look at your other pictures and possibly read your profile for more than two seconds.

2. Have one really normal, good picture: It sounds boring, but let's face it, so is the conversation on a first date. She'll say something like “Let's exchange thoughts about things we like so we have a common ground to talk about” and he'll pretend to like those things while frantically Googling information about it under the table.

Having one good normal picture seems counter productive to trying to grab attention before getting swiped, but it lets people know you are in fact a normal and good looking person. The only thing shallower than Tinder is the dating pool in Fort Collins. You want Amy or Andrew to look and think “Okay they're not going to murder me” not only because it will make them  swipe right, it will make them easier for you to kill.

3. Profiles are important: Fill out your profile, you idiot. You're already being lazy enough by dictating your genital future with your thumbs swipes, so take five minutes and fill out that little box.

Your profile should be like the sex you're about to have: short, silly and have a question in it. The very first sentence needs to be both funny and strange. I used “I'm looking for someone to teach me how to open a Capri Sun because I've been standing in this kitchen for hours” or “I'm 6'5 so really I'm just an accessory for you to wear with heels”.

Try and be playful and silly while providing talking points. An easy way to figure out what to choose is to repeat something that people always say to you no matter how much it hurts you. "I'm a terrible son," is a good start.

At the end ask a question like “What type of trouble are we going to get in?" Business majors will tell you that's a “Call To Action” … but this is why you should stop spending time with business majors.

4. Your opening line is the most important sentence: There are a few easy ways to approach this. Avoid pick up lines because no Brooke or Bret to share fluids with someone that says, "How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice."

Try reading the profile and coming up with a funny quip or retort to something they've said. Be funny and a little crude without going overboard.

If worse comes to worse you can just go viral like I did.

5. IRL: Closing the deal is so easy it's almost criminal. A simple “I hate messaging on here, what's your number” easily turns to meeting up in person. Don't complicate it. Get their number and the first thing you should say is “So, when are we going out”? It's so simple. If you want to up your chances even more, avoid dinner and drinks bullshit. Get drunk in a park or take them to an aquarium. Fishes are so erotic.

There you have it, Tinderellas. Just make sure you only leave a shoe behind if you want to see them again. Those simple tricks will set your Tinder game on point.

Never forget … You can follow me on Twitter or email me at breadfoster@gmail.com. I actually rub myself to hate mail.