First, forgive yourself for experiencing a natural emotional response to the threat of losing someone you love. Even partners in nonmonogamous relationships grapple with the nauseating dread of envisioning their lover tied spread-eagle to a four-poster bed while someone else licks Nutella off their genitals. Unfortunately, you can’t control when feelings of jealousy creep up in a relationship — you can only control how you act on them. 

Before you start pinning the blame on your partner, take a long hard look at yourself, like you’re sitting on one of those hotel toilets where the mirror’s directly in front of you and perfectly positioned to watch what your face looks like while you poop. You’ll want to acknowledge the underlying issues within yourself that elicit jealousy, like anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, or insecurities stemming from infidelity in a past relationship. You don’t want to let your jealousy display itself in self-sabotaging behaviors like possessiveness and dependence, which are not conducive to a healthy relationship and quickly become exhausting for your partner. Finally, be honest with your partner in a non-accusatory way and work together to establish ground rules about behaviors that make you both feel comfortable, trustful, and bonded together as strongly as 2 dicks in a Chinese finger trap.