You probably have a friend who could help you plan a really good birthday party. A wedding? No problem. An art gala to raise money for the bane of canine diabetes? Forget about it.

But, who do you turn to when you need to plan a good ol’ fashioned sex party? Who you gonna call?

One solution might be to show up to a sex club, but what about if you want to have an orgy with people you’re at least roughly acquainted with? People you like, and maybe care about? You know — your friends?

We're no experts on the matter. In fact in trying to plan one once with a few friends, we were halted in our tracks by the sheer logistics. Who do we invite? How do we invite them? What do we bring? What rules do we lay down?

So to help, we reached out to a few orgy experts who helped us put together a solid guide on celebratorily fucking all your friends in your living room.

But first …

Some General Safety Rules:

Safe sex is a must.
Active consent is a must.
Avoid gossiping and gossipers.
No smart phones or cameras allowed at the orgy. Check them at the door.
No hard drugs. Easy on the booze.
No BYO sex toys. Gross.

Putting the Guest List Together

The trick to a good invite list is balance. This might require a little networking or word-of-mouth. Big bonus points if you can actually find someone who has been in an orgy before.

“Make sure your orgy virgin-to-pro ratio is at least 1:3,” says Yana Tallon-Hicks, sex educator and writer. “Invite single friends or open couples who are comfortable with their sexuality and ballsy enough to make the first move. Be sure to invite that one charismatic orgy veteran you know will be first to drop trou so all of the “party-starting” responsibility doesn’t just fall on you, the host.”

Now if you just don’t know that orgy veteran, you’ll want to keep your orgy down to a short list of adventurous first timers — start with people who enjoy their threesomes and go from there. It’s better to have a wild fivesome than an awkward thirteensome.

Sending Out the Invitations

No mass invites. Be selective and invite people personally over text or maybe through a private Facebook event if you’re feeling ambitious. 

You want to make the guest list viewable to all the invitees so they might can catch any people on the invite list they just might not be comfortable with.

Yana also recommends being incredibly specific with your invitations. Make sure your invitation states what kind of sex to expect (BDSM, anal, lesbian-only?) and any house rules you might have (see above).

Also, and this is a must-include on your invites — you’ll want to lay out consent as part of your house rules.

Make it clear that anyone who does not follow these terms will be swiftly booted from the party. Include links in your invitations that explain how to ask for explicit consent. Yana provided a few like this one, this one, or this one.

It’s important that people don’t feel pressured to play. You’re trying to create a fun, cool, safe environment that people feel comfortable in. So you’ll want to make it clear that people don’t have to have sex if they show up. Your main goal, like any party, should just be for people to have a good time.

“A good orgy will allow you to do what feels good to you rather than setting the stage for folks to feel like they need to perform or impress anyone," says Yana.

Party Preparation

Fatima Mechtab, marketing director/event producer for Oasis Aqualounge, a water-themed adult "adult playground" in Toronto, breaks down very concisely what you’ll need to host your orgy.

1) Provide safe sex items, such as condoms, lube and gloves.

2) Create a list of rules and etiquette that guests must abide by. Put into place people/volunteers (or in the case of Oasis Aqualounge, staff and management) that can monitor the party, maintain a safe environment and to handle problematic behavior immediately.

3) Comfortable, clean furniture, including personal amenities such towels, wipes, mouthwash and shower facilities.

4) Music to suit the mood, although "personal tastes do differ," says Fatima.

You’ll also want to segment your house into what rooms are for sex and what rooms are not. It’s good to have a safe space where guests can take a break and just enjoy the party.

That being said, you’re going to have to assume that a lot of surfaces in your house are going to get lube and bodily fluids on them.

“If hosting at your place, ask guests to BYO blankets, sheets or even mattresses. If reserving a handful of adjoining hotel suites, keep it above Motel 6 quality and your intentions discreet, as an obvious orgy could lead to some unwelcome party crashers. Tip the cleaning crew. Joining forces with your partner or a friend to co-host can ease the burden and make space for you to enjoy some time playing, too,” says Yana. “Keep some tasteful, artsy porn like those directed by Andrew Blake projected onto a wall or hire a friend to play porn-DJ.”

Yana also recommends a box of clean, non-porous sex toys for guests to rifle through, along with available cleaning stations for partner switches.

When the Guests Arrive

As the host, you’ll want to have a fun, cheeky, charismatic attitude towards all of this. Welcome your guests when they arrive. Give them a tour of your place, where sex spaces are, where safe non-sex spaces are (as mentioned above), where the snacks are, and, like an airplane safety speech, give them a friendly remind and little education about how to practice active consent.

“Active consent goes beyond 'yes means yes' and 'no means no' by continuously checking in with our partners to make sure they are having a great, enthusiastically pleasurable time the entire time we’re playing with them, says Yana (again, for how to do that non-awkwardly, click one of the links above).

It’s also good to remind your guests that even though they’re are all about to have casual sex with one another, social graces still apply.

“Sometimes guests put pressure on themselves to ‘get lucky’ and can come across demanding or awkward,” says Fatima. “The way I suggest approaching a visit to Oasis Aqualounge in the same way you would approach any other social or lounge environment. Relax, smile, ask questions, make eye contact and engage in conversation. Also, be aware of your space and the personal space of others.”

PRO TIP: Steal a simple code from the BDSM community, who uses the safewords “Green” (Yes! Keep going!), “Yellow” (You’re approaching my limit/boundary), and “Red” (Stop! Meaning, everything stops. Hands off. Check in verbally.) to make sure there’s no confusion.

Getting the Party Started

At some point, somebody has got to get the action going. This is where having a couple of those orgy pros, or hosting as a couple (or even a threesome) can really be to your benefit. Monkey see, monkey do, after all.

Remember, you still need consent before jumping in, and while watching is fine, ogling is rude.

Keeping the party going is also just as important as getting it started.

“Don’t promote getting fucked up to get fucked at the orgy. It’s bad for consent, it’s bad for genuine sexual pleasure, and it makes your orgy real sloppy. Make sure guests show up relatively sober, and provide low-alcohol content drinks. Though many will require a little liquid courage to dive into the orgy ocean, avoid rows of tequila shots as hammered sex is never good, especially in large numbers,” says Yana. “Keep everyone’s energy up with light, sensual snacks like chocolate and fruit. Avoid messy, heavy foods and remember that though play parties were made popular in the ’60s, it is 2011 and fondue should be avoided at all costs.”

Alright! Well, we don’t know about you, but what I’ve learned is that planning an orgy doesn’t really differ that much from planning a normal party — you make a guest list, you invite cool people, you lay down some house rules, you make sure everyone knows the house rules, and you party. You have a great time without pressuring anyone to have a great time. Ultimately, a good orgy seems like it's just about a good group of good people trying to have a good night … and a lot of conveniently placed wipes.