Lucky for you, I’ve studied ass-spanking under the tutelage of a professional dominatrix. Just like pulling your partner’s hair, biting them, or running your fingernails down their back, spanking can provide a sensual element of pain. Because our fleshy, fatty butts can take a certain amount of abuse, a good smacking right next door to the genitals can heat up that erogenous zone and leave us feeling more aroused than aching.

First and foremost, get consent. Maybe your girlfriend is traumatized from getting beat with the belt for stealing stepdad’s holographic Charizard — you’ll never know until you ask. The sweet spot on the booty is from the lower central part of the butt down to the very top of the thighs. Any higher and you risk hitting the tailbone. Any lower could cause damage to the skin. Cupped hands or flat palms positions deliver distinct sensations. Start with a cupped hand, as this brings a duller, deeper thud than an open palm, which adds a stinging sensation and a higher level of pain. Finally, keep a close eye on your partner’s responses and adjust accordingly. Spanking is a fine art form, and it should be honored as a one-handed round of applause in appreciation of a magnificent ass.