Why it matters that both people walk away from the bedroom, or Corolla backseat, equally satisfied.

If you're a dude and the person who is gracious enough to let you have sex with them doesn't come, you didn't just have sex.

You masturbated into someone's body.

Without reciprocal pleasure, sex is just one person climaxing in the presence of another and knocking their water off the bedside table after they get up in search of a cum-rag. Sex, on the other hand, is a mutually beneficial act where both (or all) people get what they need. And sex doesn't have to be over and done with just because some white fluid sprung forth from a penis.

A man's satisfaction shouldn't negate his partner's. If it does, that man doesn't deserve to be having sex with her. Instead, a man's satisfaction should equal a woman's. When the jack-hammering and "OH DADDY"-ing stops, why shouldn't both people feel like they got what they needed?

For men, this is usually ejaculation. For women, it's intense pleasure or orgasm … two things that take a good deal longer to occur than male ejaculation. But when a guy stops the sex short after he comes, she doesn't even get the chance to have her needs met, a maximally un-democratic fact of sex that I'm proposing we end now.

Instead, I say we instate orgasm equality in the bedroom. Or Corolla backseat. Or virulent bacilli-infested hot tub. Wherever you guys bone each other.

To be clear, I'm not saying all women have to orgasm from sex. Orgasm is great, but not all women can. And that's fine. But when she leaves the bedroom after, at the very least, she should feel satisfied, orgasm or not.

There's a difference between orgasm and intense pleasure, but both fall under the category of "satisfaction." Orgasm is a climatic experience that is similar in structure to the male orgasm, while intense pleasure is a more consistent, or slowly building sensation that doesn't necessarily end in climax. Both fucking rule, but unfortunately, our culture places an inordinate amount of pressure on women to experience orgasm. This stress in itself makes it difficult, as a female, to come.

Female pleasure is an immensely beautiful, complicated thing. Sex can feel fucking amazing for a woman, but she may or may not climax. And sometimes, climax isn't what feels best, rather; it's the prolonged, consistent sensation of extreme pleasure.But regardless of the mode of pleasure a woman experiences (pleasure or orgasm), she should feel as satiated.

If you look closely, you can tell when she's not. She'll either continue to squirm, moan and touch you because she's still horny, or she'll be silent and kind of distant because she was never into in in the first place. Either way, she'll usually lay in the same position for a little, contemplating whether she just just masturbate now, or … ? On the other hand, if she got what she needed, she'll usually appear much more animated and be into cuddling or talking. She might get up and wash up, or start doing something else to signal she's good.

Many times, women are afraid to ask for sex to continue after their male partners are finished. They don't want to inconvenience them, and they know there's a refractory period in which they can't get hard so they can keep having sex. Complicating this is the fact that when men orgasm, they're inundated with a rush of prolactin, a hormone that makes them instantly lethargic or sleepy. So, even if they were down to keep going, they're compelled by biology to pass out. Together, these things can keep women from asking what they want; to keep going just a little longer. And is that really fair? To leave her laying naked, contemplating how to voice her needs when you so easily satisfied yours?

The simple answer to all this is after-play. After-play is anything that happens after orgasm, and it can make a universe of difference to helping women feel as taken care of as their male partners. This can include literally anything, from fucking with a slowly deflating boner to watching her favorite porn with her to replacing your dick with two fingers and finishing her off.

If you're a dude, your dick doesn't have to have any part of this if you don't want it to, or it's too sensitive to get keep going. You have perfectly good fingers and a great mouth/tongue combo you can use to make sure she gets what she needs after you do. And I'm betting that even if your body is spent, she's got a vibrator or a dildo she'd love you to use on her to get her to the finish line.

Even if she doesn't end up climaxing from after-play, the sheer act of it symbolizes a fuck ton. First, it tells her you're invested in her pleasure. Second, it makes you seem selfless. Third, it makes you seem knowledgeable about female pleasure, which is a insanely hot quality to embody. Plus, even in the absence or orgasm, it'll feel damn good.

And if after-play isn't an option, you're still not dead in the water. You can make sure she gets off too in yet two more ways:

1. Making sure she comes before you do

Foreplay is a huge part of this. If she's not an orgasm person or she can't orgasm from what you're doing to her, make sure she at least has the opportunity to feel prolonged pleasure. Finger her, make out with her, go down on her for a while, bend her over your lap and spank her, or employ whatever method of foreplay most excites her before your penis even makes an appearance.  If you can get her off before the sex even starts, you both win. It makes her more likely to either experience a subsequent orgasm, and it makes it so that when you finish at the end, you know you've done the same thing for her that she's done for you.

Or, train yourself to develop some modicum of endurance. It could be that she's perfectly capable of coming from vaginal intercourse, she just needs you to fuck her for longer.

2. Giving her the kind of sex she wants

Women are exponentially more likely to orgasm if they're mentally and emotionally turned on, so tap into her fantasies and desires to make sure she has the highest potential for arousal possible. Even if she doesn't end up orgasming, acting out a fantasy of hers creates a different sort of satisfaction that makes her feel both desired and taken care of. Even if her fantasy is something you may not be into, like getting tag teamed by the entire government of Myanmar, take the parts of her fantasy you can stomach and reach a compromise. Maybe there's a PornHub channel for that. Who knows.

All this to say that orgasm equality is an easy thing to achieve. There's zero reason why pleasure should be a gendered thing, especially in today's culture of ever-more enlightened sexual partners who operate with a greater awareness of both their partner's body and their own than they ever have. No one should have to win or lose during sex, and it's every man and woman's job to ensure their needs are reciprocally satisfied. But until that happens … you're just masturbating while someone clings to you. Time to evolve.